Okay

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Feb 112020
 

I open my eyes and feel you’re warmly wrapped around me
I don’t see you though. I look and you’re not there.
I wait
For an alert
Or a ding
That makes my heart speed up and I fear bad news because for so many months those morning messages were filled with the unknown, absolute dread.
And yet,
I crave you like an infant demands the breast.
I need to be cradled in your strong arms, hear your heartbeat and feel that you’re alive.
Because
You are alive. You fought, you fight.
Every day you’ve been in a battle to keep your body and soul together
And mine has fought to be next to you.
Holding you the way a mother should hold her son, only more.
Kissing your tears away as my fingers tease through your hair.
My mouth finds it’s way to yours
You kiss me back.
Your fingers intertwined into my long hair
The others trailing their way down my body like electricity.
I gasp as your thumb presses on my special spots.
Our lips unlock and I look at your soul and it exhales the power of life into me.
You are CPR for my soul.
My body twitches at the thought of you.
My belly dances for hours after you’ve touched me.
The space between my legs was made for you
As though the pieces together are completing a puzzle that was started a lifetime ago.
I know you worry.
I worry too.
When something completes you in such a profound way it’s our instinct to guard it, fiercely.
You
Fear leaving me.
You won’t be gone forever.
Our souls will still have each other
That is a connection that transcends time and space.
You
Fear me getting hurt.
Not by you
But, by my own self-destructive thoughts being manifest.
I will do my best to contain them.
It is hard.
Not because of you.
But
Because my past was hell.
It’s like a knife trying to cut into me and rip my soul out, at this time of year anyway.
You apply pressure to the wounds when you hold me
Keeping me from completely falling apart.
I will slide into your bed and wonder if you feel me.
Hope
That your arm wraps around me
Your hand finding it’s way to my belly
Kisses on the back of my neck and shoulders as I drift safely to sleep.
And
When tomorrow comes
The next day too
The connection will not be severed because our combined soul does not make two.

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