It’s been a long time since I have known what feeling whole actually is and sometimes, okay, a lot of the time, I wonder if I will ever experience the feeling of being whole during my time on earth. It seems like everyone is living a whole life, husband, kids, church and they seem to have it all together and time to spend just with God everyday and perfect children and a clean house and I always feel like a ragged mess that has been dragged by the rabid jaws of a dog and tossed off a mountain side with my hair matted and poofed out while simultaneously being glued to my head. ß-Run on sentence??
I breathe in the crisp spring air each morning or afternoon or whenever I crawl out of bed and I know that in Christ I am whole, after all, He isn’t in the business of making the broken and defective. I remind myself to do what I can do glorify him wholly in my actions throughout the day and I know that there is always more to give and less of me to do it and as I exhale the stench of the day I know that I have done my best and that in His eyes I am the child He created me to be and not a creation of this world, or myself.
And, I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be whole if it is something that is given to me by humanity or my own selfish needs.
Jen mentioned whole milk and I think about how if milk isn’t homogenized it will quickly separate in the fridge and the fat and the thin will break apart like oil and water and you will need to shake it to make it worthy of consumption. The heavy “cream” sitting on the top in a way that seems to defy gravity. Any mama who has pumped her breast milk will have experienced this and many will wonder if the milk is still good. The fact is, it is perfectly whole even in its separated state.
So, in turn if I am milk and to be whole I need God then He is the cream on the top protecting me and keeping me safe down below and when the world shakes and its my time to go we will unite and look clean, new and fresh. Wholly-whole.