Yeah so sometimes you feel hesitant at the top of the world while looking out at the sun set from 13 stories’ up, or while sitting in a window overlooking main street watching the lights into the night. And while you watch out you wonder when the bad will come because as good as something may seem you have that pit in your stomach that your very own Babylon will fall and you not so secretly hope it’s sooner rather than later because later is a waste of time.
And then conversation gets awkward. Things happen that you try and fight away but feel powerless over and maybe because you expected it since you aren’t surprised when the nice has left and has been replaced by random accusations that don’t make sense to the logical world and you hit block before you let your resolve be stolen from you.
Instead of stooping down low you bend down on achy knees and you hand it all to God knowing you didn’t do anything wrong and there is no way to make things right. I refuse to be petty because pettiness leads to being hurt and I won’t allow my soul to be destroyed by negativity.
Life shoots enough bullets at the soul that I don’t have to let someone else’s issues cause an abscess to fester and leave new open wounds. This realization has shown me that I have grown a ton, it’s also shown me I have a long way to go. Don’t we all?
I have caused pain that I can’t make right. I have apologized. I have explained. I have cried over relationships forever changed, but I have no regrets. I have been lonely. I have been tired and worn. I have been living in fear and yet there is a tiny part of me that knows that no one can do to me what hasn’t already been done, unless they kill me. So, I am trying to step out in faith knowing that the only thing to fear is fear itself. If my life was a horror movie I would be the survivor girl.
I live in love and I love deeply and completely and while circumstance may change, love never does.