As I sit here and think about you my little one I wonder what you would be doing, fighting sleep or tucked in soundly waiting to wake up to a day of fun. All I have of you is this picture and the memory of a few weeks earlier when you were a flickering light within me immediately joining my soul to yours.
Years have gone by and things have not become easier. I hurt so deeply every spring and fall knowing all that I lost, all the firsts we are missing together because God whispered your name and called you Home to be an Angel instead.
I know that you have your siblings up there with you and I know that you are all content and free, relishing in the riches of the Lord.
Losing you was the hardest. Maybe because I had wished so badly that God would take me too and instead I was left with nothing more than a hole in my soul that craves your presence but can never be filled.
It is hard to be happy knowing there should be so many more children fluttering about my home. So much more noise, giggles and cuddles. Oh how I miss that I never heard your first laughs, saw your first smiles, held your hands or saw your faces.
The weeks that you each were in me will never be forgotten. They changed me forever in ways that I still can’t fully comprehend and likely never will.
All of these years later and I am still broken hearted and shattered on the floor. Pieces of me are so scattered if one tried I don’t think they could find them all anymore.
Mommy loves you my Angels. I will see you soon.