Oct 312015

Everything has an opposite, I could sit here and write out the dark and light of everything but I think you all already realize that the universe is far more complex than our human minds can possibly ever truly grasp. This is why we have science after all, a deep underlying desire to try and figure it all out, to understand the incomprehensible a little more clearly, though if we are being honest, I think it is fair to say that we are more often than not, left with more questions than answers and a hypothesis that hangs in the air, heavy and burden laden with no place to rest.

It’s Halloween today. Some are not celebrating it, others consider it to be a secular holiday and others go all out the way Christians do for Christmas. Years ago, when my daughter was little and I had my son on the way, we had friends who didn’t do Disney or Halloween because of the evil connotations that it comes with, the magic of it all… perhaps because they were afraid that if they dressed their little one like a pumpkin something worse than a few cavities would happen or maybe because they found a piece of doctrine that spoke to them in a way that it simply never has to me and so many others. I don’t know.

What I do know is that everything can be used for good just as everything and anything can be used for evil. The gun used to slaughter those people in the church was used for evil, yet the same model with a different serial number that was used for protection was used for good. So how do we draw the line? Are people born either good or evil? Can one switch between the two or are we simply a product of observation and a victim of our time?

Personally, I believe that one can change, the way the sky is bright during the day and black at night. I believe we all are born innocent, or as innocent as possible for a human to be and that sin tempts us from birth causing us to do evil in some instances and good in others and to those who look on at us, some will see no wrong while others see only fault.

While this Halloween my children are not going out, it is their own personal choice. They decided they wanted to spend their costume money on discounted candy on November 1st instead.

We all wear costumes though, every. single. day. of the year.

You see, we put smiles on our faces when our hearts are feeling sad or even shattered. We cry when we are happy and we cry when we are sad. We tell white lies convincing ourselves that the truth would do more damage than good and somehow a white lie morally isn’t as bad as a flat out lie.

But why?

Why is it that the very Bible I study each day was used by man to serve Satan and break me into more pieces than I may ever pick up? How is it that Satan can use the Good Book to commit evil crimes? We can’t all blame possession for our misdoings and we can’t toss it under a rug like an unfortunate misfortunate –we have to own what we do and beg forgiveness and work to change our ways.

So whether you are dressed as the risen dead today or are carrying a sweet lady bug on your hip, evil isn’t built into the costume or into the date. It is something primal that surrounds each of us pulling hard down and we have to give all of our good to keep the bad away, not just today, but every day, because every day is going to blanket us in layers of choices and no answer may ever seem completely right, so we ask for guidance and we pray and we stand strong in the face of adversity and hold onto our morals and recognize our virtues and praise His holy name for what we do have and beg Him for what we don’t and in the end, everything will be alright.

Oct 292015

I have never seen the ocean or the sea. I have never wanted to. Though, I am a huge advocate for stopping the hunting and killing of the fish and corals that live in our oceans. I must’ve been born right where I was supposed to be, smack in the middle of Canada, surrounded by lakes, literally, and just as far from one coast as I am to the next.

I grew up on the lakes, in boats, camping, swimming and I have never eaten or caught a fish. People are always amazed by that little fact about me, but even as a child I wanted to be a part of nature, and not take from it. I have a fish tank in my room, I have had a fish tank all of my life, well except for about 6 years while I was transitioning out of the abuse and into my own life. I would have had one then too, except my house was old and crooked and a fish tank wouldn’t have been level.

The sound of the water falling from the filters would drive some nuts, they ground me though. I am the first one to jump into the lake each spring and a few years ago even did it with ice still floating and my dad hollering at me as I floated on my back “you are turning blue and I am NOT coming in to get you!” Fitting that I am a Pisces? I know this astrological sign definitely represents my personality pretty well.

{Sea Shepherd stopping a Japanese ‘research’ vessel from hunting whales}

I have tried over the years to ignore those types of things though because really, who comes up with all of that? And my horoscope says I should have fallen into money like a million times in life…. Money where are you?

Seriously though, I think my love for the sea came when I visited Marine Land when I was 14. I was splashed by sea lions, kissed an orca and even petted his tongue, and I knew in that moment that this animal was looking at me from a 30 foot pool and wishing it could be with its family travelling the world over and over and over some more. Its cries could be heard for what felt like miles and I wondered then as I do now if it was calling home.

{A whale being processed by the Japanese after being pulled up the slipway to be sold as food. No research documents have been released}

I have wanted to join the often hated group Sea Shepherd and go to the Antarctic on a mission, a mission to stop the illegal poaching of whales in a whale sanctuary, where the rest of the world simply won’t step in and stop it. Yeah, I could do that. I could be happy with seeing the sea and all of its glory in a conflict to protect it from those who threaten to kill it.

In 2010, 113% more tuna were KILLED and sold for foods than permits were issued…ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN PERCENT. That doesn’t include the small fishing boats who are fishing for survival –the hobbyist. This is the commercial fisheries who pay a fine. So while I have no desire to become a mermaid anytime soon, I have a passion for the ocean and the things in it. God told us we have dominion over all the fish of the sea and all the creepy things that creep. Dominion doesn’t mean extinction. We were charged to take care of it. Not kill it.

Oct 282015

We use the word “hope” an awful lot today. I see it all the time. Like for reals.

“I hope you do well”

“I hope you feel better”

See what I mean? Yet, all of this hope is often false. It is just a way to be kind or to say something to fill in the blank spaces. What if we changed from hope though and switched to praying? What if all of those sentences filled with the false hope that we offer was turned to God who can actually do something about it?

“I pray you do well”

“I pray you feel better”

Doesn’t that just sound more purpose driven? More authentic even.

I know each year as we light the advent candles we have one to represent hope, one for joy, one for love and one for peace. Yet, in all of these instances we are placing the meaning on the excitement over the birth of Christ. Our hope, joy, love and desire for peace are very real in this instance, they aren’t just said to fill in a blank space, they aren’t used as a blanket statement. They are in fact a prayer in themselves as we seek the Christ Child on the road to CHRISTmas.

Sure, it is great to have dreams for things and even hope that we will achieve them, I often hope I don’t hit a deer or get a ticket or _____. BUT, Instead of hoping I could act in a way to ensure I won’t get a ticket, pray that I am kept safe as I drive and have an open conversation with God about my wants, needs, desires, and everything in between.

So, let’s stop hoping and start praying, because praying is the way to make our hopes come alive. Speak to God today and tomorrow too!!


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Oct 272015

Perhaps things would be a lot different had I known God, really known God, as a teen. But, I doubt it. I wasn’t willing to see God or follow mainstream religion. I wasn’t willing to listen to wise words – I was a teen and I knew best.

I think it is easy to always wonder the what if’s and second guess the past because hindsight is 20/20 but in reality you can’t go back.

I saw a week or so ago trending on Twitter the question “if you knew who Hitler was, would you go back and kill baby Hitler?” and my response to that after thinking for a few minutes was “NO”.

No, I wouldn’t go back because all of those moments have molded not only who I am, but where I am, why I am and the world we live in.

Without Hitler women may never have officially gained the right to vote or even THINK on their own. Yes 100 years ago women having independent thoughts was largely frowned upon, and that’s putting it lightly. So while the world is full of sociopaths and mass murderers and wars that never should have been, there is a silver lining to it all if you look deep enough and hard enough.

For me, the World Wars caused my families to immigrate to Canada. It allowed me to be born and raised here. It opened up rights for women, rights to work, rights to think, and more importantly it showed men that women are perfectly capable of holding down the fort while they are away. As much as we NEED them, we CAN get along without them!

Perhaps some would go back in time and make some changes. I can see why. But for me, I have seen so much humanity come out of so much evil that the good has outweighed the bad, in every situation. God created everything to have a balance. Darkness and light. Up and down, left and right, North and South, hard and soft… you get it!

Oct 262015

As the Scriptures say, “People are like grass; their beauty is like a flower in the field. The grass withers and the flower fades. But the word of the Lord remains forever.” And that word is the Good News that was preached to you.
~1 Peter 1:24-25 NLT~

It seems like this fall has been death after death and then some. I know that the Lord is whispering names and calling people home to Heaven but I struggle and ask God why He is whispering the names of people I know or who have been in my life.

I am trying to trust in His perfect timing because that’s exactly what it is –perfect. Yet it really is a struggle. I am simply worn out, tear stained and growing weary and fatigued.

Sometimes, shutting the world out is the way I protect myself, even though it’s definitely not the best.

I have found myself in the trenches in the past and begged the Lord to call my name instead, to take me back. I have read Job and felt as though the Lord has walked away from me and doesn’t want me, not here or in Heaven and in a lot of ways this thought helped shape some of my beliefs. I believe that purgatory and hell exist. I believe that we are living that here on earth and that the unpublished gospel of Thomas saying that Heaven is a state of mind and something we can totally achieve on earth if we seek it, is true, however, I also believe that we need to seek God in order to achieve Heaven –anywhere.

So I will wait until He whispers my name. My ears will be open and I will love long and hard during the time He has gifted me to have whilst here.


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Oct 252015

My tea has been reheated 3 times today and is once again cold. I don’t feel like getting up to warm the water again so I suppose it was bound to be consumed this way. At least I am not tweeting about burning my tongue, again.

I’ve been in bed most of the weekend. Pain, emotional and physical, has overwhelmed me and pulled me down. My heart feels not only shattered, but scattered and sometimes I wish I didn’t know people, how easy life would be if I didn’t know anyone, because then I would never have to experience loss. Only then, I would never be blessed to experience love.

I have had a lot of loss in my life. Far too much. I envy a few friends who have never attended a funeral, this fall I have been to one, and have been unable to attend three others. My faith is shaken –not stirred, when I read a birth announcement that also announces an infants near immediate death. I am left to pray.

Some may say “only to pray” but ONLY isn’t really a fitting word with God is it? When I pray I am not settling for something less than, instead I am going to the One who is more than, who listens to my every word, my every thought and fear. Who brings me peace and comfort in the darkest of hours and shines His light bright on every situation.

I am trying to focus on the stories of the Old Testament, you know the one that leads to David and our yearly Jesse Tree. Where Rebekah and servants and husbands and sons and being barren all lead to the coming of the One Son.

I wonder to myself, as I sip on the cold tea and notice the sweet stevia for the first time in a few hours, how will God use my messes to glorify Him today, tomorrow and in centuries to come? Will my messed up life be like the messed up life of Jacob and come full circle out of the mess and into the Light? Will God use my gore for His Glory!?

I snuggle down deep into the down comforter and the crisp cold raises goosebumps on my flesh and I pray for all those things and so much more and God stills the waters of my mind and turns the oceans tides into good right before my eyes.

even with all that seems wrong, I feel a peace that everything is perfectly right.

Oct 242015

BECAUSE I am a Christian I understand exactly what this author means. BECAUSE I am a Christian I put loving others first and BECAUSE I am a Christian I don’t love people “only if they fit into a small box” I live in Love because Jesus commanded us as His followers “Love one another as I have loved you, also that you love one another”.

Jesus reached out to the sinners, He broke bread with them, shared wine with them, healed the sick that society had cast aside, befriended the prostitute and forgave the thief. Jesus didn’t come and hang out with those who were righteous, he came down to teach us to live in the glory of His love forever.

It took me years to be “openly Christian” because I didn’t want to lose my friends who have killed, done drugs, are gay, took the name of God in vain. I became openly Christian because I wanted to extend an olive branch, to teach those about the amazing things we can experience if we only live in God’s LOVE and that LOVE is for every one of his creatures because God? He didn’t make any mistakes!

If you look at someone’s life and you don’t accept them then that is Satan whispering in your ear that you are better, that that person deserves you to pass judgement on them, because God?? God said “Judge not lest ye be judged” It isn’t up to you or me or a celebrity to decide who is right in God’s eyes. We are commanded, simply to love.

And, if you or anyone else want to sit there feeling righteous while full of contempt and hate, based on one biblical line written before Jesus ever walked the earth then you need to follow every commandment that is laid out in the Bible for us, all 613 of them, because I would bet money that that celebrity you are listening to, or the old lady at church, has eaten the meat of animals with cloven hooves, had shellfish or milk with pork. And chances are, you have too. And since God says no sin is bigger than the next one then they all need to be considered in the same fashion.

If you can toss love aside to express disgust and hate for the way someone lives than you need to ask yourself, “If God is the Father of Love and creates no mistakes, why am I so angry?”

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