Nov 242016
 

Yeah so sometimes you feel hesitant at the top of the world while looking out at the sun set from 13 stories’ up, or while sitting in a window overlooking main street watching the lights into the night. And while you watch out you wonder when the bad will come because as good as something may seem you have that pit in your stomach that your very own Babylon will fall and you not so secretly hope it’s sooner rather than later because later is a waste of time.

And then conversation gets awkward. Things happen that you try and fight away but feel powerless over and maybe because you expected it since you aren’t surprised when the nice has left and has been replaced by random accusations that don’t make sense to the logical world and you hit block before you let your resolve be stolen from you.

Instead of stooping down low you bend down on achy knees and you hand it all to God knowing you didn’t do anything wrong and there is no way to make things right. I refuse to be petty because pettiness leads to being hurt and I won’t allow my soul to be destroyed by negativity.

Life shoots enough bullets at the soul that I don’t have to let someone else’s issues cause an abscess to fester and leave new open wounds. This realization has shown me that I have grown a ton, it’s also shown me I have a long way to go. Don’t we all?

I have caused pain that I can’t make right. I have apologized. I have explained. I have cried over relationships forever changed, but I have no regrets. I have been lonely. I have been tired and worn. I have been living in fear and yet there is a tiny part of me that knows that no one can do to me what hasn’t already been done, unless they kill me. So, I am trying to step out in faith knowing that the only thing to fear is fear itself. If my life was a horror movie I would be the survivor girl.

I live in love and I love deeply and completely and while circumstance may change, love never does.

Oct 212016
 

Lately, I have become one of those people who takes up two or three parking spaces without a care in the world. I think that makes me the person who frustrates me the most!? This tiredness is giving me this nonchalant attitude of simply not caring, and I don’t like how it is changing me.

I want to do everything in a manner that brings glory to God and yet I don’t have the energy, so what kind of Christian does this make me? Is He meeting me in the parking lot and whispering in my ear that it’s okay to park crazy as long as I park safely or is He looking down and shaking His head at this broken child and saying that I have fallen and fallen hard?

When will He answer my prayer and refill my energy supply? When will my psyche realize that I am not psycho and that less is better than more? Will I realize it when He whispers into my itchy, fluid filled ears that I am enough?

Or, are these truths that I already know but refuse to admit to myself?

I need to park myself down and have a true Sabbath. A day of rest. A day to live love and absorb the world, the Word. A day where I don’t think about tomorrow and simply live in His grace and in the faith I have that He already has tomorrow planned and worked out so that I don’t have to be enslaved to the calendar or a list.

I need to create the habit of a weekly Sabbath for myself. I would LOVE to know how you do this so you don’t burn out like me!?

Oct 182016
 

Growing up my cousins were our neighbours on two sides. We played and shared and went frog hunting and tadpole catching in the ponds on our property. We ice skated with neighbour kids in winter and then one spring when I was 9 the police came and searched and searched some more for my older cousin who went missing.

They found his body 3 days later at the bottom of the highest cliff about a kilometer into our backyards, across the highway. They said that he had no stomach contents and that he had likely only been dead a few hours.

The official cause of death was suicide, the unofficial was blunt force trauma to his skull, presumably as he fell. How a 17 year old goes without food or water when a corner store and unlocked houses are within shouting distance, for several days never sat well with me. It didn’t sit well with the retired police chief who offered to look into it as a homicide and it didn’t sit well with my grandpa either.

My aunt and uncle didn’t want the help though, so the ruling was as is and the priest denied my cousin his last rites, because you can’t receive more than a blessing if you have taken your own life.

I tended his grave for years, going and wiping the fresh cut grass from the stone and making sure the solar light I bought was still lighting at night, the shepherds hook it hung on something I knew would help guide him to the Light and keep him there.

I don’t believe that suicide is a sin. I know a lot of people do, including the church. I have faith in a God who does not punish those who are mentally ill, and if you have ever been depressed or suicidal you know that there is no such thing as “rational” when in that state of mind. The act of suicide isn’t to cause pain, it’s a final and desperate attempt to end your own.

Whether suicide or homicide I have prayed that as my cousin flew to the ground below that he felt no fear, only peace and maybe even a moment of joy knowing that this act was the pathway to freedom from what we call life.

Oct 162016
 

I stare up at the sun and realize that today is yesterday on the other side of the world, and yet there are times in the day where we can both gaze up at the same stars, moon and feel the heat from the very same sun.

Then, I realize how vast the universe is and how little I am within it.

Lunar Eclipse ©Marisa Slusarcyk

How I am barely a speck of a speck and yet God counts every single hair on my head. That blows me away! He knows every star in the sky, every soul that has walked this earth or ever will, every hair on every head, and each of mine are just as BIG to Him as my brothers and sisters created by Him who stand firmly in His Holy Name!!!


A compilation of 150 blog posts from the Five Minute Friday Community. The stories found in these pages span a diverse range of experiences, but share a common thread: A Love For the Bravely Written Word.
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Oct 152016
 

I woke up today to the family wondering where the entire case of Gatorade had gone. It was almost comical listening to them feel insane swearing up and down that it was on the floor in the dining room the day before, especially since it had been.

But the floors needed mopped and I cleaned out a cupboard and found space and was able to unpack the case and recycle the box and put the Gatorade away and apparently when you tell the child who actually needs the Gatorade where it is and don’t tell anyone else it causes an early morning ruckus as they try to get ready for a hockey game.

They found it, you know, once they actually stopped looking on the floor!


It’s amazing how a small move can really cause such an issue for someone when they are used to things being in a certain place, a certain way. And yet for us Christians many of us spend our lives searching for God and in reality He isn’t hidden in a cupboard, a church, behind a door, or inside of a book. Yes, He certainly is in all of these places but the one place that needs to be searched and tends to be overlooked is within our own hearts, our own souls.

He created our soul in the very beginning. He created it all, and all of us, right then and there in those first days as the universe took shape and for whatever reason we expect God to be like the Gatorade or the lost keys or the dollar you thought you had in your wallet and can’t find, but that’s not the case. He is unmoving, unwavering, living within those of us who choose to live.

When we accepted Him into our hearts as Lord and Saviour of our lives it wasn’t until He moves on to someone else, to another place. This isn’t a game of hide and seek. He is there, forever and always. We can send Him an eviction notice but He will wait us out and He won’t move.

A compilation of 150 blog posts from the Five Minute Friday Community. The stories found in these pages span a diverse range of experiences, but share a common thread: A Love For the Bravely Written Word.
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Oct 132016
 

I’ve been staring at the screen and the cursor blinking now trying to write and I am aware of the sound of the fish tank needing water, the rush of the filters flowing hard and lulling me to a different time and place.

Aware that the darkness outside my window seems blacker than usual -a sign that the moon and stars must be covered in clouds that can’t be seen until the sun rises.

The exhaustion that has taken over my body weighing me down, like if I were to fall into waters deep I would sink straight to the bottom like a solid rock -and there never seems to be enough air. The air is tight inside of me, not wanting to escape my lungs and refusing to fill them properly too.

Panic possesses me and heightens the sensations of… everything. My emotions running high, my heart easily wounded and hurt. My bruises coloring me in shades of purples and pinks and blacks and green.

The swelling in my back pressing against my tailbone and causing numbness to painfully run down my legs.

A God who has redeemed me and saved me from all of these things if I simply choose to have faith, and I do. I am aware of that, and when the pain gets too high I pull into Him even more than I do in the everyday mundane and for that I am grateful. The hurt in my body and the broken in my soul are what makes me cry out to the One who has already saved.

And, when it is really bad I can feel His mouth against my ear and His words caress my ear “by My stripes you are healed.” The truth, spoken directly into me by the One who IS Truth.

A compilation of 150 blog posts from the Five Minute Friday Community. The stories found in these pages span a diverse range of experiences, but share a common thread: A Love For the Bravely Written Word.
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Oct 112016
 

Author and Farmers Wife, Ann Voskamp, has written a whole book on giving thanks. The hard eucharisteo, and for me her words flowing off the pages was absolutely life changing. I think they were for a lot of people given that One Thousand Gifts was a New York Times Number 1 bestseller for some 60+ weeks.

As someone who reviews books I have an idea of how many are published every single day so earning that spot is insane, earning it and keeping it for over a year is unheard of, or at least it was.

My journals filled each year and put into the box in the closet filled with the blessings of the year, the good and the bad. The unspoken-broken that needed to be acknowledged.

Now, I see that this fellow Canadian who is used to waking long before the sun does, who collects eggs in the snowy minus 40 has written another book, The Broken Way, and while I have yet to read it I also completely understand how broken life can be, how in order to experience wholeness I must first experience a shattering of the soul so that God can place me back together.

I am excited for this book. Even the trailer speaks to my soul-holes and brightens the shadowed spots with the One that is the Light. And, we could all use a little more God, stronger faith, more Light.

As the days shorten my faith grows long.

Just like you, Ann Voskamp hungers to live her one life well. Forget the bucket lists that have us escaping our everyday lives for exotic experiences. ‘How,’ Ann wondered, ‘do we find joy in the midst of deadlines, debt, drama, and daily duties? What does the Christ-life really look like when your days are gritty, long–and sometimes even dark? How is God even here?’ In One Thousand Gifts, Ann invites you to embrace everyday blessings and embark on the transformative spiritual discipline of chronicling God’s gifts. It’s only in this expressing of gratitude for the life we already have, we discover the life we’ve always wanted…a life we can take, give thanks for, and break for others. We come to feel and know the impossible right down in our bones: we are wildly loved–by God. Let Ann’s beautiful, heart-aching stories of the everyday give you a way of seeing that opens your eyes to ordinary amazing grace, a way of being present to God that makes you deeply happy, and a way of living that is finally fully alive. Come live the best dare of all!
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*New York Times Bestseller*

Not one thing in your life is more important than figuring out how to live in the face of unspoken pain.

New York Times bestselling author of One Thousand Gifts Ann Voskamp sits at the edge of her life and all of her own unspoken brokenness and asks: What if you really want to live abundantly before it’s too late? What do you do if you really want to know abundant wholeness? This is the one begging question that’s behind every single aspect of our lives—and one that The Broken Way rises up to explore in the most unexpected ways.  

This one’s for the lovers and the sufferers. For those whose hopes and dreams and love grew so large it broke their willing hearts. This one’s for the busted ones who are ready to bust free, the ones ready to break molds, break chains, break measuring sticks, and break all this bad brokenness with an unlikely good brokenness.  You could be one of the Beloved who is broken—and still lets yourself be loved.  

You could be one of them, one who believes freedom can be found not only beyond the fear and pain, but actually within it

You could discover and trust this broken way—the way to not be afraid of broken things.

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