Dec 052018
 

I listen real close and I hear words echoing inside myself. I wonder if it’s my own trailing thoughts, or a distorted message that I can’t grasp from the One who created me. He knows I have fallen away from Him. He knows everything. If only I would have got the memo that I would be struggling to stay afloat all of this time later.

Braving the waves can be hard when the water is cold as ice and the tide is pulling you down and out. I admit I haven’t prayed much since my miscarriage. Sure, I have prayed. But not the way I used to. Not from inside the depths of the Word.

I have prayed for children with cancer when asked. I have prayed for friends struggling with their health. I have prayed for car crashes, bus wrecks, murderers, victims and the truth. Yet, I haven’t sat down and humbled myself before the Lord my God.

I haven’t called upon His name and begged that He forgive me, grant me peace. I haven’t asked Him to guide me and each day that passes is another day that I have wandered in darkness.

There have even been days where I have scrolled past the blessings that others have tried to show. I have been envious and even bitter that they are finding joy, when I have found… nothing.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the land.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
~Mathew 5:3-10~

Lord, my spirit has been poor, my heart has been in mourning, my thoughts and behaviour have been meek, I have hungered to be right by you and scared to act, I have shown mercy to those who have hurt me, I am handing you my heart knowing it will be cleansed, I have disconnected from the things that cause division and I have tried to bring peace in Your Holy Name, I have been persecuted for being a Christian, and yet, you tell me I AM blessed!

Feb 092018
 

*If you are reading on my homepage, you can mute the song I’m singing with a friend by hitting mute on your open tab!*

I don’t know when I wrote last, I think it’s been about a year since I joined a link up. I don’t even want to check. I am finally sitting here staring at an open document and my fingers are moving, so that’s a plus, right?

Today I am going to be linking up with my friends from the Five Minute Friday crew. Don’t forget that about a year ago a bunch of us used some of our favorite posts and Susan Shipe made a book collaboration with all proceeds going to some really important to our hearts charities! Check some of the best of us out and help make an impact!

Today’s Prompt is “PRIVILEGE”

It has been a privilege to have got to lead groups for Hello Mornings over the years, to get to hang out on Thursday night Twitter parties waiting for the prompt to drop and create fellowship and relationships over topics like brownies in a mug (which are amazing), Gilmore Girls, love, loss, prayer and the crazy good and crazy bad that makes us raise our hands as we fall to our knees and give thanks for the God-given privilege of one another, being honoured to pray for one another when we otherwise may never know that someone needs that extra boost.

This year has been a HARD year for me. A stressful year. A painful year. Yet, I had the privilege of being able to ask for prayer when I needed it. I felt beyond loved, beyond blessed when I announced I had miscarried in the spring and my DM’s blew up with similar stories and words of encouragement from the women that I have grown spiritually with over the years as part of this Five Minute Friday community.

I have watched and prayed as friends moved homes, switched jobs, had babies, lost babies, grieved their own losses and grieved alongside others.

I may have taken a long break, simply because the words don’t want to flow, but I have had the privilege of being a part of this family anyway.

A compilation of 150 blog posts from the Five Minute Friday Community. The stories found in these pages span a diverse range of experiences, but share a common thread: A Love For the Bravely Written Word.
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Feb 022017
 

He sat there absorbed in his video game and me in my book and as the hours ticked by I could see he was holding his breath more often, afraid to breathe but trying to ignore the silence of the phone. No news is good news, right?

Finally, we laid down and slept for a few hours -smack in the afternoon and into the early evening, and his breathing relaxed, his stress slipped away as I watched him before dozing off myself.

When the phone rang it’s awful ringtone he shot out of bed like a cat, straight into the air and answered it quickly.

He held his breath when it was his dad and not his mom who said she would call when her surgery was over.

When his dad passed the phone to his mom the audible sigh of relief that escaped his body caused tears to roll down my cheeks, quickly swiped away by the blanket.

She was okay. He was okay. I was okay. We could breathe knowing his mama survived the surgery.

The holding your breath and doing your best to focus on the good and handing it to God thing seemed to be working through the day, it was a nice day, but lingering in the back of our minds was a part of our souls that just needed the know what God’s plan for us that day actually was.

Breathing out the negative and breathing in the relief felt fresh, new, amazing.

Suddenly we both wanted to eat and found ourselves thirsty, realizing we hadn’t done either all day as we did our best to stir our minds from the what-ifs.

It was only 2 days before that I was the strong one, standing on the stairs into the night speaking to his mama about her faith and her journey through the church, through life, and her telling me that I was reminding her to just trust God.

Why is it so much easier to say than do? Preach but not be preached to?

I hold my hands in reverence to the One who is in control of it all, whose plans I will never know until I am walking through them. To Him I give praise, because praise is deserved even in the darkest of days. Gratitude in the middle of chaos. He triumphs as I stumble. Picks me up when I fall. When the air is knocked from my soul, He breathes life back into me. CPR for the soul. The Bible my personal First Aid Kit!

Oct 112016
 

Author and Farmers Wife, Ann Voskamp, has written a whole book on giving thanks. The hard eucharisteo, and for me her words flowing off the pages was absolutely life changing. I think they were for a lot of people given that One Thousand Gifts was a New York Times Number 1 bestseller for some 60+ weeks.

As someone who reviews books I have an idea of how many are published every single day so earning that spot is insane, earning it and keeping it for over a year is unheard of, or at least it was.

My journals filled each year and put into the box in the closet filled with the blessings of the year, the good and the bad. The unspoken-broken that needed to be acknowledged.

Now, I see that this fellow Canadian who is used to waking long before the sun does, who collects eggs in the snowy minus 40 has written another book, The Broken Way, and while I have yet to read it I also completely understand how broken life can be, how in order to experience wholeness I must first experience a shattering of the soul so that God can place me back together.

I am excited for this book. Even the trailer speaks to my soul-holes and brightens the shadowed spots with the One that is the Light. And, we could all use a little more God, stronger faith, more Light.

As the days shorten my faith grows long.

Just like you, Ann Voskamp hungers to live her one life well. Forget the bucket lists that have us escaping our everyday lives for exotic experiences. ‘How,’ Ann wondered, ‘do we find joy in the midst of deadlines, debt, drama, and daily duties? What does the Christ-life really look like when your days are gritty, long–and sometimes even dark? How is God even here?’ In One Thousand Gifts, Ann invites you to embrace everyday blessings and embark on the transformative spiritual discipline of chronicling God’s gifts. It’s only in this expressing of gratitude for the life we already have, we discover the life we’ve always wanted…a life we can take, give thanks for, and break for others. We come to feel and know the impossible right down in our bones: we are wildly loved–by God. Let Ann’s beautiful, heart-aching stories of the everyday give you a way of seeing that opens your eyes to ordinary amazing grace, a way of being present to God that makes you deeply happy, and a way of living that is finally fully alive. Come live the best dare of all!
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*New York Times Bestseller*

Not one thing in your life is more important than figuring out how to live in the face of unspoken pain.

New York Times bestselling author of One Thousand Gifts Ann Voskamp sits at the edge of her life and all of her own unspoken brokenness and asks: What if you really want to live abundantly before it’s too late? What do you do if you really want to know abundant wholeness? This is the one begging question that’s behind every single aspect of our lives—and one that The Broken Way rises up to explore in the most unexpected ways.  

This one’s for the lovers and the sufferers. For those whose hopes and dreams and love grew so large it broke their willing hearts. This one’s for the busted ones who are ready to bust free, the ones ready to break molds, break chains, break measuring sticks, and break all this bad brokenness with an unlikely good brokenness.  You could be one of the Beloved who is broken—and still lets yourself be loved.  

You could be one of them, one who believes freedom can be found not only beyond the fear and pain, but actually within it

You could discover and trust this broken way—the way to not be afraid of broken things.

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Jul 262016
 

As I sit here loading the word document to write I notice that the sky outside looks like cotton candy and I spring to life at 9:30pm wearing my pj’s and grabbing my camera once again to capture a couple of glimpses of the sky that God painted just for me.


I have seen a lot of amazing sky’s out of this window while sitting on my bed. It’s amazing how different it can look from window to window only to be the same exact moon and stars that we all get to see. It is fun to talk to a friend 18 hours away and both be looking at the moon or hunting down the big dipper. Somehow the universe as we are able to see it, seems so big, and I feel so small and yet I know that my place in this world is exactly where I was created to belong.


I’ve been feeling more like me than I was at the beginning of the month. I think it’s fair to say I was having some sort of mini-breakdown, if they can be mini… I think I had a dozen or more cold showers in the midst of panic attacks over nothing, almost always in the night.


The past week I have been picking up the pieces here and there. I am still behind but things are getting done. I’ve been dusting and vacuuming and lighting candles again. Cleaned off some surfaces, switched my purse to a different one for the first time in a couple of years, and I even made myself iced coffee. When I am feeling bleh I don’t drink coffee for the most part, so having a homemade iced mocha made me feel human and gave me a good 14 grams of protein along with the caffeine!


I am currently burning a blueberry scented soy candle that is tucked inside of my REDEEMED holder, reminding me that “Everything is beautiful in its time” and that while I fell behind on household tasks there is no reason that I can’t just hop right back in and tidy up and do what I can while doing my best to take care of myself and not risk burn out again. You can check out DaySpring for inspirational home décor, cards and so much more. I have purchased most of my décor from them as well as a purse and makeup travelling bag! You can also earn up to 6% cashback through my Swagbucks link and right now you can save an additional 25% sitewide during the customer appreciation sale with coupon code THANKYOU

I LOVE these wooden letters and this Bible cover has enough space for me to tuck in extra papers, small bible studies and so much more!


Apr 282016
 

The sky seemed to be another evening boring grey and then just as I was about to write, as my Word document sprang to life the passing of the sun caught my window and shone streaks of orange across the wall. I grabbed my camera because I don’t have a phone and I ran to the window, to look at the magic of the sky. Hues of pink and blue and purples, and yes orange, danced perfectly painted. I couldn’t pass them up. I have said it before and I say it now, it’s like God painted the sky just for me.


In a lot of ways He did! No one else has the view from my window. Theirs all show a similar sky from a different perspective. They don’t get the shadows of the truck or the tractor or the trees and while the angle is all too familiar from sunsets and sunrises over the years, they are never the same.


All those colors like the sky is in itself a rainbow. A promise of better things to come and I pull the blanket a little bit tighter as my eyes feel a little bit more solemn and I shoot a prayer up into those heavenly lines knowing that they can’t escape the rainbow, a direct line to God Himself.

In only a few seconds I have prayed for my best friend who has been missing a year, I pray for Andrew, I pray for the money I don’t have and for broken hearts to mend and friendships to restore. I pray that I can feel a bit more lively tomorrow and get my Bible study finished with eagerness instead of weariness.


I crawled onto the bed and my knees cry out that they are sore, but my heart it is the gaping door to my soul that is vulnerable. Ready to be wounded, ready for whatever is in store.

In life we only have a set amount of sunsets before we exit into Heaven and while I don’t know the number, He does, and it is He who I need. I can chose the achy knees to witness His art or I can pass up the bounty He places in front of me and become a victim of myself.

Mar 252016
 

As some of you may know I have been having serious financial issues, like feed my kids or pay the bills. I have never been in this position before and I am honestly humbled by it and I am definitely getting more creative with shopping and making things go further.

Earlier this month I saw the Maybelline Dream Velvet foundation in my local Walmart, and then I saw the price and knew that I couldn’t afford the 12 dollars and still be able to pay for my medications and feed the kids. Kids eat a LOT for some reason.

Since my Walmart doesn’t have testers I wasn’t even sure what color would match me to ask for it for a birthday or risk the splurge. After moping (literally, I was sad) about the financial situation and not being able to treat myself to something that makes me feel beautiful and feminine I reached out to Maybelline Canada and explained my situation and asked if they had a sample. They said yes and asked me what color I was, I explained that I wasn’t sure what shade I would be and said that I am a neutral fair. They said that was great and that my sample was on it’s way.

I was honestly only expecting a couple of those tear out samples you get from magazines but instead I got a package from them and I literally cried when I opened it because this company who clearly doesn’t need to advertise to sell their products was beyond generous to me and gave me so much. If you follow me on Instagram you would have seen a photo I took the other day while playing with some of these products!

Maybelline Dream Velvet Soft Matte Hydrating Foundation in 10 Porcelain Ivory


Maybelline Master Conceal by FaceStudio Camouflaging Concealer in 10 Fair


Maybelline Great Lash Mascara in 101 Very Black

Maybelline Colorblur by LipStudio Cream Matte Pencil and Smudger in 50 I Like to Mauve It


Maybelline Baby Lips Moisturizing Lip Gloss in 15 Fuchsia Flicker


Maybelline BrowDrama Pro Palette in 250 Blonde


Maybelline Color Molten by Eye Studio in 304 Sapphire Mist

Maybelline Master Hi-Light by FaceStudio Hi-Lighting Blush in 30 Coral

I am beyond grateful and beyond words for how excited I am that a company would go out of their way like this to help out a struggling mama, helping a mama to feel beautiful and uplifted! It really amazed me to find out there are still companies in the world who care about the individual. I am so excited to put together looks and try out these products. It has been well over a year since I have been able to purchase anything for myself and I am so happy that Maybelline Canada decided to bless me in such a way! Even my 11 year old boy was excited for me and was amazed that a company would just send me so many things!!

Thank you Maybelline!! You really knocked this out of the park. I have used most of the products so far and they all worked perfectly and without causing any irritation to my sensitive skin!

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