My tea has been reheated 3 times today and is once again cold. I don’t feel like getting up to warm the water again so I suppose it was bound to be consumed this way. At least I am not tweeting about burning my tongue, again.
I’ve been in bed most of the weekend. Pain, emotional and physical, has overwhelmed me and pulled me down. My heart feels not only shattered, but scattered and sometimes I wish I didn’t know people, how easy life would be if I didn’t know anyone, because then I would never have to experience loss. Only then, I would never be blessed to experience love.
I have had a lot of loss in my life. Far too much. I envy a few friends who have never attended a funeral, this fall I have been to one, and have been unable to attend three others. My faith is shaken –not stirred, when I read a birth announcement that also announces an infants near immediate death. I am left to pray.
Some may say “only to pray” but ONLY isn’t really a fitting word with God is it? When I pray I am not settling for something less than, instead I am going to the One who is more than, who listens to my every word, my every thought and fear. Who brings me peace and comfort in the darkest of hours and shines His light bright on every situation.
I am trying to focus on the stories of the Old Testament, you know the one that leads to David and our yearly Jesse Tree. Where Rebekah and servants and husbands and sons and being barren all lead to the coming of the One Son.
I wonder to myself, as I sip on the cold tea and notice the sweet stevia for the first time in a few hours, how will God use my messes to glorify Him today, tomorrow and in centuries to come? Will my messed up life be like the messed up life of Jacob and come full circle out of the mess and into the Light? Will God use my gore for His Glory!?
I snuggle down deep into the down comforter and the crisp cold raises goosebumps on my flesh and I pray for all those things and so much more and God stills the waters of my mind and turns the oceans tides into good right before my eyes.
even with all that seems wrong, I feel a peace that everything is perfectly right.