My brain isn’t getting along with itself and I can feel myself crawling inside while simultaneously trying to escape. I am shutting down. Pulling away. From what? I don’t know. I suppose from everything. Given my recent struggles with flashbacks and dreams and nightmares and not being sure about any of it, I feel like it is so much easier, and even necessary to slip inside my shell and allow this ragged hell to run its course.
Nothing in life, or death, makes sense anymore. I am done trying to put pieces together. The puzzle isn’t complete, or maybe I have the pieces to more than one at once. Darkness vs light. They say everything has an opposite. Can I be the opposite of myself? Do I want to explore the dark side of the moon or do I want to admit that even though I don’t see the dark side it doesn’t mean the light doesn’t touch it.
I suppose we all have our intimate spots and our dark sides. Is it bravery or stupidity that causes some of us to embrace them?
“And one sweet day,
you’re gonna drown in my lost pain.
Do you wonder why you hate?
(Our burning ashes, Blacken the day)
Are you still too weak to survive your mistakes?
(A world of nothingness, blow me away.)”