I stare at the blank card waiting to be filled with something encouraging for the next person on the Five Minute Friday Snail Mail list and I pray and I wait and I stare knowing that God will provide me with the inspiration for that card, He will provide me with the words to fill the page, to say hello to a stranger or a friend.
He did that to me a few times this past week.
Giving me the words to use to fill the paper.
Two letters went out to two different jails, where mail is most coveted and the Word of the God so strongly looked for.
Now, as I sit here and write I wonder why I haven’t written in so long for my blogs. I had been writing daily for a while and then suddenly, just like that, it stopped. The words didn’t stop flowing though. They changed.
Depression set in and I didn’t want to share with anybody. I didn’t want to face the world or talk. I didn’t want to have God in my life, and I was ashamed to admit that this Holy Spirit that fills my world wasn’t welcome because depression took over and tried to steal me away from His grip.
Yet, He didn’t let go.
He looked Satan in the face and He simply said “No!”
Like CPR for the soul He returned me to life and as the dark shroud that covered me fell away I could feel His breath, His Spirit – holy and right, fill me back up like a well that cannot be drained.
A song plays in my head by Steve Bell.
“Here by the water, I’ll build an alter to praise Him, out of the stones that are found here…”
The water, a sign of life, the wellspring always rejuvenating, always letting us take and always giving back as though it hadn’t been touched, perfectly filled.
I fill up a notebook with the 90+ pages for the Hello Mornings Study of Jonah and I wonder how on earth the author managed to bring a book as short as Jonah into a 90 page study. I am excited to be filled up with that knowledge over the next six weeks. Excited to see what I don’t already see. To know what I don’t know, to experience in a way that someone else does.
Over the last few weeks I have learned that when depression comes and I allow myself to fall away from God, the depression fills me and makes me think crazy things. I know that I can’t let myself fall away from God again. I can’t abandon the Word or prayer because I am depressed, if I do I will inevitably continue to fall and I want to be filled to rising, in His name.