Today Gracie’s paralysis has got worse. Her circulation is barely functioning in the paralyzed part of her body. The only way to keep her warm is to let her body borrow my heat. She can’t go potty and is refusing to eat. With the circulation and the inability to go potty the decision was essentially taken out of my hands. I have to put her down.
It breaks my heart to think of her being gone, to think that I have to let them kill her. I have lost so many pets before but this is hard, maybe the hardest loss I have ever experienced.
So today Gracie visited. She needed to be held all day so everyone got the chance to love on her and say goodbye. I am always amazed by how strong my kids are about death. It’s sad that loss is normal to them, but they love Gracie and I know that won’t change. Many tears have been shed over the last day and I can’t even begin to process. I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to say goodbye. I don’t want to fail her and yet I know that if I don’t end her suffering that I am being selfish.