I woke up today to my little man saying “mommy are you awake?” to which I replied “no, why?” and he said “it’s okay, I can wait”. So I got out of bed and he wanted to borrow my mouse for the computer to play his game. He had already had a long day by the time I crawled out of bed, had went to hockey practice and was home before the sun breached the horizon.
That same voice said to me in the mid-afternoon hours “will you come to my game tonight?” and how can you say no when your child asks you so sweetly. So we went to his hockey game, he and I in the backseat and my parents driving. They played, and lost for the second time this season.
It is rare when a team never loses, but these boys play like one mind, one entity and that is amazing to watch, even on the two games they have lost. They don’t give up, they don’t give in. They play clean, they play hard, and they play well. They are a family.
A bunch of boys all playing because they LOVE TO PLAY and not because anyone is demanding they do.
I wish that I could have that spark for something in my life, a spark for cooking and cleaning and waking up early doing things because I want to and not because I have to.
I miss living a life I love. I miss loving the life I live.
I look up through the starry cold night and the red flash on the phone says that we are under an extreme cold warning and all I can think is how much it has warmed up over the last week or so and I know deep down that I am right where I am supposed to be and the only spark I need comes from God. The only spark I need is the light of our Lord.
I know that God can bring that spark back if I keep counting my own One Thousand Gifts and if I keep focusing on His word and striving to be a Proverbs 31 woman. Those things make me happy and happiness and all that is good comes straight from the One that is good, perfect.
As my one word for the year reminds me, I need to work hard to finish things because finishing and reaching my goals makes me feel closer to Him and then I can see the forest through the trees and I know that “all things are possible with God”.