Even through the pain that my body endures there are countless things that I am finding to be good. I do my best to jot down my gratitude each day in a journal or on a sticky note or calendar.
Often times those moments of gratitude don’t list anything about God or Jesus specifically but instead are daily observations. Today I wrote down
- Allergy meds
And for a change or maybe because it is Good Friday and it is on my mind I also wrote
- Jesus being the sacrifice
How do you put that into words? How do you rejoice in someones physical torture so that we MIGHT be saved?
The story of Christ didn’t begin in that manger, instead it was born while on the cross. The cross had no magic, no miracles, only God wearing flesh, but we look at that cross and our hearts rejoice and feel sad all at once that this God of ours would be the sacrificial lamb and teach us all that is good and command us all that is love. Teaching us by being love in the flesh.
I often have a lot of PTSD triggers when it is a holiday and Easter is one of those times. When I was pregnant with my son I was thrown down the stairs because I dared to question my abuser about his dirty socks as we were preparing to go out for dinner. All these years later and I still wonder and worry and feel anxious about the past as if it is something that the future holds that I need to prepare for.
Sharing these memories helps. Lifting them up to Him so that they can be cleansed is definitely healing. I always have to remind myself that that chapter in my life was finished a long time ago and that I won’t ever have to deal with that again. I have to remind myself that Jesus saved me for a reason and my story needs to bring him glory.