I haven’t blogged all week. I have written in my journal, but haven’t blogged. Sort of an odd feeling to know that all those thoughts are hidden inside of a journal that may or may not be read by someone one day. I am not sure if I journal for myself, or for someone else, or maybe I do it simply in hopes that someday someone will know my soul –the good, bad and ugly. There is a lot of ugly.
On here though, on my blog, I try and be more positive, talk about breaking barriers and coming out the other side. Yet, I know that the large majority of y’all really don’t know me. My family doesn’t read my blog because it is about “God” and they don’t believe. Having a family who has made me feel like an outsider because I have faith has been a real struggle for me for a lot of years, maybe my whole life.
I have never felt like I fit in though. Not at home, not in a community or church. I just don’t feel like I have a “home”. You see, my beliefs are all over the place and for a long while I was scared of even admitting that I was a “Christian” because I didn’t want people to immediately think I was a Bible thumper ready to picket outside of funerals and spread hate instead of love.
I believe in science. I believe that science backs up the Bible in a lot of ways, I also believe that man misconstrues the Bible to fit their individual needs rather than taking it for what it says.
I believe being gay isn’t a choice –well actually, I believe that being gay isn’t a choice for those who are persecuted for it, but I do know many who experiment just for the “bad girl/boy” credit and clearly experimenting is a choice. I believe when science tells me that they have found the DNA markers that make being gay normal and not a choice. I was disgusted when this science came out a few years ago and *Christian* people wanted to have this test available in an amniocentesis so they could decide to terminate the pregnancy based on whether their child would be likely to be gay. I was proud when science backed out and said “NO!”
I also believe Jesus when he said “He who is without sin cast the first stone.”
I am not sinless, and neither are you.
I believe that God placed the Ten Commandments in that specific order for a reason. My son said to me one day “you mean, honoring your parents is HIGHER on the list then not killing someone?!” Yes, son, it is. Why? Maybe because God is telling us right then and there that the dirty look you gave your mama or you using His name in vain is equal to all other sins, no matter how bad, like murder. I also believe that no one can truly live within the Ten Commandments. By Biblical standards, it is impossible for anyone who isn’t Jesus. That’s the point though –you will sin.
Did you know that Jewish people have 613 commandments to follow? All of which are listed in the old testament of our Bible. Which means, we also have those same 613 commandments, plus the ones Jesus gives us in the New Testament, like “a new commandment I give to you, that you love one another as I have loved you, that you also love one another.” Why did Jesus repeat this? Because LOVE is important, no scratch that, love is IMPERITIVE. With love, through love, we can achieve anything. And all love is ordained by God, the creator of love and all that is good.
So maybe our beliefs don’t match and maybe you are arguing in your head right now with everything I have had to say, but at the end of the day I know that MY relationship with God is good and full of love and life.