May 142015

“Lead me Shepherd lead me
I’ll follow where you go
Lead me Shepherd lead me
I’m safe with you I know”

I can still remember singing that song at the ripe old age of 7 sitting on the floor in the school gym. Singing it at a memorial service for my best friend, he had been killed a few days before by his foster mother.

I will never forget our JK and SK teacher Mrs. George standing up in front of the school choking back tears and speaking words I can’t recall. I feel the emotion though. I was too young to experience such a profound loss and this song sung by all of us in unison in our innocent voices not really knowing yet the gravity of what death meant stuck with me.

“Though the night is deep and dark I will not be afraid
Though the night is deep and dark a promise he has made
Lead me shepherd lead me…”

I don’t think I really knew what God was until that moment. I went to Catholic school, was being raised in a Catholic family and even remember my baptism when I was three. When I heard that William had died I didn’t believe it and then this song. I saw in my mind my best friend walking in the dark only to find a bright light, and Jesus embrace.

I always thought that visual was an imagination to help me cope, but over the years I have experienced so many losses 36 to be precise and each time I get a different visual of the person and their meeting with God. I no longer question it because it brings me peace. Because GOD is the giver of Life and Grace and all that is Good.

Surely, He wouldn’t allow for our physical bodies to die if it was to be bad because God only created perfection.

So I find myself still singing this song and enjoying the visual of my small friend stepping into the Heavenly realm.

I am gifted with peace and unconditional love and all these years later, I know that he looks down on me and is an angel in my life, just like he was when he was still in the physical world.

I will follow where He leads.

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  18 Responses to “I Will Follow Where You Go”

  1. This is just beautiful! I love that your memory is a good one and one that can bring peace. I love the words to that song and the promise that it holds. Blessings for a beautiful weekend.

    • My memory has been a blessing and a curse (as in with my PTSD) but I know that it is a blessing to be able to recall such tender moments. This very song has helped me through my own “dark” phases and with that I can only rejoice in His love and in the fact that a song learned over 20 years ago helps my walk with God today!

      • I am sorry for all of the lives you have lost, you have seen far too much death
        I have been wanting the words to this song for so many years now
        I also learnt it in a catholic primary school and your post is the first I have come across that even mentions it

        • I am so happy that the words to this song found you Deb! I love when we are searching for something and God places it in our lap like that, it makes it so clear that we are exactly where we are supposed to be! Praying you have a blessed week and can enjoy singing this song!

  2. Oh Marisa, the fact that you still write and point others to Jesus after all of your heartbreaking experiences just shows the depth of your love for Him. Thank you for allowing us to journey with you as you follow Him.

    • Asheritah, I don’t think I would have the depth of love for Him had I not NEEDED His strength so much in my life! Now that I am at a place where I don’t NEED it because of traumatic event I find myself NEEDING it because it is the only way to maintain balance, be happy, feel safe, loved etc. I am brutally honest about my life in hopes that someone, anyone, can relate and say “if God has helped her, maybe He will help me too”. Thank you for your sweet words of encouragement!

  3. Marisa, what a beautiful post. I don’t know about you but in my moments of loss, I find myself clinging harder to God. He knows what we need. He comforts us in our losses.

    • Thank you Tara, yes I do find myself clinging harder to God, I also tend to pull into myself and away from others. My own way of mourning. I like just being with God without the outside influences. When my paternal Grandmother passed away a few years ago I remember standing in the church looking at her and feeling ENVIOUS, not because I was suicidal, but because she was with God and no longer suffering and I was standing in this realm full of grief. God truly is amazing!

  4. You have known great loss, Marisa, and the fact that you can speak of peace and our Giver of Grace is such a testament to His power at work in your life. Blessings to you, FMF friend!

  5. Thank you for sharing your heart with us, Marisa. I’m glad you choose to follow Him!!!

    • I only pray that through my story and experiences people who are feeling at the bottom can see that through Him they can be raised to the top! Thanks for stopping in Holly!

  6. What a sweet beautiful memory !!! Thank you for sharing. I also love that quote “Even the broken road leads somewhere if you follow it.”

    • Thanks Amy! I think a lot of people who are new to Christ often see so many people who have it all together, but really, most of us have saught Him out because of our brokeness and the realization we can’t do it alone. The quote came to me as I was writing, I believe it was just something from my head but it is so true, for me following that broken road instead of stopping or turning back, allowed me to find God and as a result I have found all of you sweet ladies who encourage me each week!!

  7. What beautiful writing…as usual. You inspire me from afar, my friend!!!! Hugs to you!

  8. I LOvE this post!

    Did you know I saw my son Kyle, Dance with Jesus, the morning of his funeral service???

    Beautiful. I would LOVE to hear what you have seen sometime Marisa. Really! Hugs. Susan

    • This landed in my spam for some reason Susan! So happy I found it! That is absolutely beautiful regarding your son! It also explains the title of the book and the linkup! I am so proud of you for allowing God in during such a tragic time, many pull away, you pulled near. Praise the Lord!

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