Jun 232015
 


by his stripesLooking into the eyes of my freshly born babies, covered in goo and angered over the trauma of coming into the world. Loved immeasurably more than I ever thought possible just when I thought I already loved them more than one could ever love anything.

The lessons I have learned from my children, especially in their infancy, will never be forgotten either.

  • The way a mama can suddenly fall asleep anywhere at any time as long as the baby is sleeping too.
  • Those first smiles, steps and words – etched into my brain like it happened seconds ago.
  • Those broken hearts, frustration over school work, and hormonally bad attitudes about everything.
  • The 4 millionth chicken nugget suddenly being the time I find out that chicken has always been hated and they no longer plan to eat that.

Then there is the time I found a hot dog, with bun, in the fish tank and I wanted so badly to scold the child but the tears of laughter weakened me to the smile on that child’s face.

There are the broken-horrible things that I won’t ever forget though either. Waking in the night dizzy with cramps, only to find out I was hemorrhaging at 10 weeks pregnant, the miscarriages that just happened without any pain or notice, the little blob of a baby held in my blood-stained hand as I sat in the washroom calling out for help.

Those are the memories that I will never forget, the good, the bad, the scary and the downright ugly. While I didn’t know it at the time, God was there through it all, holding my hand and giving me the strength to keep moving on. I didn’t know that years later I would be leaning on God with the full weight of my brokenness and knowing that by His stripes I am already healed. {Isaiah 53:5}

More recently it has really clicked in that God has a map for my life and that I am exactly where I need to be, no matter how horrid the circumstances were that brought me here. God is in control and always has been. I take comfort and solace in knowing that none of this was in vain. That my pain will be used to bring Him glory, and that those babies that were born into my hand were born spiritually into his arms and that His face was the first that they ever saw.

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  4 Responses to “I Will Never Forget…”

  1. This was beautiful and raw. Thank you for sharing your heart! I know you will encourage many women!

  2. Found you through the #RaRalinkup site with Kellie! I love connecting with other women who are called to encourage others. Be blessed in your journey, dear sister in Christ!

  3. Oh Marisa…what beautiful words you sharet! Thank you for opening your heart and sharing such a beautiful, yet heart-breaking experience in your life. Your babies are surely in His arms as we speak. So thankful that you found in Him what you needed to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that by His stripes we are healed!

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