If you have been following me on Twitter or reading my blog you know that I have been dealing with depression and anxiety, among other things. As a result of my PTSD symptoms being full blown I have been having nightmares.
A couple of weeks ago I woke up after a nightmare that involved thrashing. I hit my head, hard. So hard in fact that it swelled up with a dent in the center of the bump from the impact. The swelling lasted about a week. It was beyond sensitive and the spot that was dented had experienced enough trauma that a small patch of hair actually fell out. I couldn’t believe that hair actually fell out when I hadn’t cut myself.
Tonight my head is itchy and I felt that spot and felt prickles where the hair is growing back in. Needless to say I am happy that I won’t have a bald spot on the back of my head, but it just reminded me of how fragile I have been. How easily one can get hurt and how dreams can really cause physical issues as a result of past traumas.
So my head is healing, YAY!
But, my back is injured now.
At least this wasn’t from a nightmare. I was carrying 50lb jugs of water about 5 weeks ago and on jug number 6 or so my back made an audible POP. I have been in pain ever since and on pain killers for the last few weeks. I am feeling beyond useless. Sitting hurts, even if its on my bed with all 6 pillows. Standing hurts, walking is okay but not for long. The medications make me sleepy so it’s either lay around in pain or lay around asleep.
It is definitely hard to not feel useless. Even writing in my journal and doing Bible studies has become awkward because writing while laying down just isn’t comfortable. Yet I am doing my best.
It sucks to be on the injured list during the summer. Normally I swim every day and spend time outside, playing on the trampoline, riding bikes, etc. Yet this year it has literally been one thing after another after another and it is getting easy to mope and say why me?
Hebrew and Greek
Yet, I have also done things I didn’t think I would ever do. For example, I have been doing the Hello Mornings Bible Study and I normally would skip over the really deep things but I am actually finding and enjoying looking up Hebrew words and definitions and learning about them in a different way.
My journal is getting scribbled up in green ink with Biblical references and my concordance is getting marked up with numbers next to the words so that they can easily be found again in the Strong’s search.
I am really enjoying these words being seen in different light with different meanings than what I am used to when I am dealing with English alone.
I have only fallen behind once with this and that was this past week. I started a new pain medication and have literally been asleep or in pain preventing me from creating a meaningful card like I would prefer to do.
So my mission in the next day or so, God willing, is that I will be able to get last weeks and this week’s snail mail ready and sent off and that I will be able to put the love into it that I prefer to create with.
My “Truly Blessed” birdcage cardholder is slowly filling up with cards from this session and I love to look at them from across the room and know that they were all picked with care and that the people who have created them for me took the time to get to know me a bit and to spend some time praying for me. Thank you ladies!
Today’s Burst of Energy
Yep, today I had a burst of energy, a big one too! *sense the sarcasm* I dusted off the top of a dresser and then sat down to dust the rest of the dresser AND I somehow managed to get an Ethanol stain off of it. After my ten minutes of work I have a shiny antique dresser again and I needed a painkiller and had a nap.
I told you it was a big burst of energy!
I can only imagine what will get ticked of the to do list tomorrow….