Do you ever feel burned out, burned down and like whatever you have written probably should be burnt?
Some days staring at the cursor on the screen or the blank page in my journal can cause some sort of physical pain that I can’t quite pinpoint. I love to write. I love to get my thoughts out as they are happening, so when this happens I tend to be tense, bottled up for one reason or another. Usually, it is something I am not aware of, at least at the time.
Lately I have been feeling just like that, while my thoughts are boiling over in a desperate eagerness to escape.
Yeah, they are right there at the surface yet there are no words, or so it seems.
I never did understand HOW I can have so much on my mind but no words to express it! Are my thoughts not filled with words on their own? Why do I feel those words are not good enough to make it to the page without some sort of profound way of gathering them together?
The first poem I ever wrote was titled “Seven”. While I don’t recall it or have a copy of it anymore it was my catalyst for my writing and my love of books. I don’t consider myself a writer but I guess anyone who writes, even if it’s for themselves is a writer, a wordsmith.
I have felt like I am not fulfilling my word for the year, FINISH. Simply because I am not writing the way I had been. Finishing the day with a blog post and/or a journal entry was always something I have done, so right now I feel behind.
Then, my verse pops into my head and it tells me that “all things are possible with God” (Mark 10:27) and I am reminded that I don’t NEED to worry about what I didn’t do yesterday because I have right now, today, tomorrow and as many days that the Lord wishes for me to have in the future.
And, if my fingers hit the keys and begin to write and my mind doesn’t second guess each letter I tap then I know that my mind if flowing freely and I am speaking from my heart. In filling up the pages I am really drinking in the Lord and the blank pages become a physical metaphor for the soul-holes that the words, His Word, fills up and I heal a little bit more.
Sure I wear a thousand battle scars and will likely wear a thousand more but with God, I know everything is okay. I know that whatever I put in I will get out.
One of the sermons I listened to today was talking about being fruitful and fruitless and how both will lead to painful pruning. However fruitfulness and faithfulness are inseparable and our drive is to be fruitful (Gen 1:22). If planted in the right soil we will always experience fruitfulness in our lives. The key to change is staying the same. <-Tweet this
So I write, because that is a sameness that has worked for me for as long as I can possibly remember. All that painful pruning that I have gone through allows for greater growth, better, stronger branches, more fruit. These times of painful pruning the Lord is cultivating me for the future that I do not yet know!
“Life may make the cut but God is holding the scissors”
~Pastor Steven Furtick~