Jun 192014


I need release, release from the past, release from the damaging thoughts of the present. Release from the thoughts that keep me up at night and depress me during the day to the point that I am nocturnal.

wise woman prover 14 1

I know how to find release.

I need to tell my story. I need to give God everything and trust Him. Maybe even more importantly I need to trust myself to trust God fully. I have been scorned in the past and that has always kept me from planting both feet firmly in His realm. Firmly in my Saviour’s world so that I can truly experience the joys and wonders promised to me, to us, by the Lord God Himself!

I need to release myself into His loving arms so that I can truly experience being free.

hidden in god

Being a Proverbs woman

Proverbs lays out pretty much everything we need to do as women, single, married, moms or not, that will please the Lord, bring Him glory and allow us to reap the benefits of the riches He has stowed away for us.

So why is it so hard? Why do I struggle to release myself to the One who is truly safe?

I know the Words, I know what I have to do. Yet I am just not fully there – even when I think I am!

proverbs 31

So I continue to study, read, pray, surround myself in all of these beautiful women with beautiful hearts who encourage me through their words, their honesty, their humility. I do my best to humble myself before the Lord and repent.

I am in this place where I feel in-between. I don’t know what other word there could be other than in-between to explain where I am at mentally. I know I am entirely His and that my life is HIS GIFT but I still struggle to accept and react in wholesome ways –ways that would please Him.

If I Were a Butterfly

Releasing myself from the cocoon into the butterfly that He created me to be is the challenge because I am so scared of making the wrong choice, a choice that will result in me being hurt again. Trusting the wrong people –trusting the wrong version of my thoughts!

if i were a butterfly

I suppose this is definitely a case of being your own worst enemy. I KNOW that my faith will carry me over the threshold and that He has already forgiven my sins. He knows my heart, my soul, my past and His grace allows me to be fully in while still having the option of “flight”.

I need spiritual release.

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  8 Responses to “Release – A Scary Honest Five Minute Friday Post”

  1. Thank you for sharing this- I am smiling because I posted a pic of a caterpillar and butterfly on my #fmfparty post tonight. I can say “me too” about not trusting myself. So glad that He can help us both with that. Blessings to you as you trust Him with the in-between.

    • It is so scary to learn to re-trust when you have been hurt so badly because of things in your past. I often wonder to myself “if I trusted myself last time and got hurt how do I trust myself this time?” in a lot of cases it is a whole lot of trial and error, on the other side it is almost always better to put yourself out there and be hurt then to live in complete fear. Thanks for your kind words

  2. Hi visiting from FmF. It’s hard to write honestly. And you did. Thank you for sharing.

    • As hard as it is to write honestly it is sometimes even harder to write behind smoke screens. This was just one of those weeks where the mental energy to be chipper and upbeat was too taxing and the weight in my heart needed to come out. Thank you for reading and replying.

  3. Really appreciate this post.

  4. Ummm. Yeah. What you said. I had to read it slowly. Thanks for separating with the pictures. Seriously, cause it was too close to home to read all at once. Praying that we both find that place where we have released it all to Him and rest securely in Him. At least that place that is closest we can find this side of Heaven. Thank you for being willing to be honest. Thank you for sharing and encouraging me.

    • It is so hard to read things that touch close to home but at the same time I think it is important for us to tell our unique stories so that we can realize that emotional pain is real, very real, and that the fear that comes along with it is real too! None of us are perfect Christians. Sure we can write the perfect post with the perfect scripture etc but our stories are what pull us together, what create this community in Christ. I wish it could be a love of flowers or scrapbooking that put us in each others paths but I love every. single. person. who I have had the privilege of getting to know because of my pain. I have faith that the Lord is using Satan’s work to create something good, to create support, faith, to sustain us and to remind us that unconditional love is real. Thank you for stopping by and sharing a piece of yourself! (((hugs))) to you friend!

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