The papers have sat blank while my thoughts have raced in ways that make no sense. Ink hovering above the page but never do they meet.
I feel utterly destroyed. Maybe I am destroyed.
The soul-holes making up the mass of who I am, if holes can have mass; they definitely take up space.
My heart beats heavily and with each pump it throbs and bleeds love and loss. Grief can only exist where love has been. To love is to lose.
I wonder if opening up and being vulnerable is worth it at all? Can I afford this pain again? Can I bear its unbearable weight? Even if I could, would I want to?
Would I want to feel the hollow place within me where many hearts have ceased to no longer beat? Where I don’t even know gender or name?
Will my heart be satisfied in its shattered state by trusting that God knew the name? I try to take solace in that, yet have no comfort. And I wonder, maybe there is no comfort to be had.
Holding you in my heart like a hidden treasure that I am unwilling to share.
Goodnight my sweet angels. I’ll see you when I rise…