Feb 022017
 

I go through the motions of the day like everyone else does while worrying about the everyday things like money and bills overdue and how I am going to find a way to pay them and then I place it all into God’s hands and do my best to continue, trusting that He has provisions for me and He will meet all my needs.

I am reminded of the Israelites wandering for forty years, given manna everyday and told never to take more than they need, or save any for later. Trust that the Lord will provide the next meal too.

A family that vlogs on YouTube who I began to follow over a year ago, because of a cleaning motivational video posted a life update today. The mom, Christy, was very upset as she sat in the car talking about her faith and her family and how their oldest son, 22 years old, passed away this week and that they have had to humble themselves before the Lord during this extremely difficult time, by having to start up a GoFundMe page just so they can pay for the funeral for their child that will be held this weekend.



And tears fall from my own eyes as I see how upset she is, how she knows to trust God but her heart is broken either way, how I have watched her shop thrift stores to care for her large family, how she has purposed to be more modest, shared her raw testimony and allows us in to her hectic homeschool life while working full time and still struggling to make ends meet.

My own anxieties and problems with money suddenly become trivial. Who cares about the credit card debt from years ago, at least I am not burying my child. My family is healthy. That could all change tonight or tomorrow or when the phone rings, but right now everyone is good and that is a blessing. That is todays manna. The sustenance that will sustain me, even if creditors are calling and threatening to ruin me, I cannot be ruined because Christ has me and he has my family and if/when something does happen, He will still stand firm and still give me exactly what I need as I need it.

Will Christy’s son be buried and have a lovely service? Yes! And, because of people who realize the need of this family who have put away a little bit here and there, Christy and her husband Jimmy SR will not have to worry about debt when they are mourning and looking for ways to be grateful and intentional.


We put so much value on “things” and “stuff” that when there is a tragedy like a young man, a child, passing away, our own lives are put into perspective and we strive to be more intentional and make the moments count. I don’t think anyone has ever lost someone and said they spent too much time with the person or have too many memories, rather people lose and then they feel guilt that they should have could have would have done more if only they knew.

In life, we rarely get to know any of these things ahead of time, but one thing is for certain, we are all on the same paths, regardless of time, and that is physical death. Our souls will rise and God will embrace. So, why don’t we live everyday like it is our last without having to be told we are dying?

My One Word for the year was “Intentional” and unfortunately it took someone passing away at a young age for my heart to shift to a place that reminds me to be more intentional with my children and family, and the ones I love.

God is absolutely amazing in allowing the negatives of our own lives, and the lives of others, to remind us of His Word and to live life to the fullest.

I ask that you pray for the Overlin family this coming week as they figure out what normal is as children of God and as parents to a son gone too soon. Placing their faith in Christ and knowing that their oldest boy is now sitting with the One Creator.

Live intentionally dear friends!

Nov 102016
 

I often feel like an outcast, like I don’t have much in common with the Christian community or the secular community. I am a single mom who has lived through hell -literally. I struggle to see other families married and having kids and being on the same page and all of that when I am co-parenting with my own parents and I was a teen mom.


And yet, I feel like I belong at the same time because Christ didn’t accidentally make me fall in line with the people in my life, He didn’t cause me to check and email, stumble across a blog post or fall into a chapter in my Bible that spoke to me by accident.

No, He invited me in, even when I feel like the world may not want me, and I am learning that rejection is not only okay, but it is often necessary, because when we reject something that isn’t good for us, or are rejected by someone or something we thought was good for us, we are vulnerable and that vulnerability allows us to open up even further to prayer and to God’s love and plans for our lives -that is, if we allow Him in!

I no longer believe in coincidences. I believe that there is a reason for everything and while a LOT of those things have hurt and hurt really badly over the last weeks, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am walking a path that the Light is guiding me down.


I am amazed by the kindness and care I have received. The things I have in common with people I never met and the quirks I have and that they have that blend us together and make us work.

I have spent a lifetime praying to a God that often doesn’t seem to answer and yet these moments of commonality and acceptance are like a big ole swat upside the head from the Father that loves beyond all, saying to me “Child, if you would just have some patience!”

Practicing patience as a virtue is hard when it’s something you weren’t born naturally doing, and yet because I was created in His image, just like you were, I know that it is something I can strive towards, I also know I will never be perfectly patient, or perfectly anything, other than His and I have learned that I shouldn’t strive for perfection, I should strive to be in the presence of the One who is always perfect!

Aug 182016
 

I never enjoyed team sports or even understood them. No desire to watch or learn so I find it funny when I am tweeting with Jen into the weird hours of the day and night about baseball, a sport I never played, watched or understand. Yet her passion and love for the game, for the TEAM, the players even if they are on the WRONG team, makes me want to cheer her on, cheer with her, send her crazy “outs” that look insane to anyone who doesn’t click to see the conversation and it’s totally fun.

I am the girl on the yoga mat seeing how bendy I can be. Reading with my leg up the wall while the other one is folded at my side for several chapters before I realize I should probably switch. I love being alone. I need it. It’s my soul time. My time to pray, meditate, sweat it out, think, detox the day away.

I love the idea of being a part of something, but I want to lurk in the shadows and not be on center stage. I experience community in far different ways, and that’s more than okay. Matthew 6:6 tells us “When you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.”

I’m not trying to get bonus points or be better than the person who is leading a huge group. I simply like to keep things small, I like to share with the page and I enjoy that the page shares back. Maybe I won’t ever be on a TEAM that carries a roster or has a starting line, but I know that I am on God’s TEAM and He is on mine!

Apr 282016
 

The sky seemed to be another evening boring grey and then just as I was about to write, as my Word document sprang to life the passing of the sun caught my window and shone streaks of orange across the wall. I grabbed my camera because I don’t have a phone and I ran to the window, to look at the magic of the sky. Hues of pink and blue and purples, and yes orange, danced perfectly painted. I couldn’t pass them up. I have said it before and I say it now, it’s like God painted the sky just for me.


In a lot of ways He did! No one else has the view from my window. Theirs all show a similar sky from a different perspective. They don’t get the shadows of the truck or the tractor or the trees and while the angle is all too familiar from sunsets and sunrises over the years, they are never the same.


All those colors like the sky is in itself a rainbow. A promise of better things to come and I pull the blanket a little bit tighter as my eyes feel a little bit more solemn and I shoot a prayer up into those heavenly lines knowing that they can’t escape the rainbow, a direct line to God Himself.

In only a few seconds I have prayed for my best friend who has been missing a year, I pray for Andrew, I pray for the money I don’t have and for broken hearts to mend and friendships to restore. I pray that I can feel a bit more lively tomorrow and get my Bible study finished with eagerness instead of weariness.


I crawled onto the bed and my knees cry out that they are sore, but my heart it is the gaping door to my soul that is vulnerable. Ready to be wounded, ready for whatever is in store.

In life we only have a set amount of sunsets before we exit into Heaven and while I don’t know the number, He does, and it is He who I need. I can chose the achy knees to witness His art or I can pass up the bounty He places in front of me and become a victim of myself.

Apr 232016
 

A few months ago it was just a tweet made by a friend that she was wanted a group of us to submit a post to a book compilation that would be sold with our words stretched over the pages with the proceeds going to charity and I scoffed at her idea, thinking there was no way that I would be submitting my work because I am a blogger, not a writer, because my posts aren’t educated or thought out, they are journal entries that are the result of my fingers tapping without thought across the keyboard, often faster than I realize I am thinking.

My outlet.

When I was specifically asked by a friend who was contributing if I had submitted I said I wasn’t, because my work was not worthy of being put in a book. She nagged encouraged me to just consider it and even offered to help me select something if I needed help. I still said no.

As the deadline was already past I was reading back on some of my old writing while looking for something and stumbled on a couple of posts that I was surprised came from my fingers and didn’t belong to someone else’s. They weren’t great, but maybe they were good enough.

Maybe.

Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.
~Galatians 6:7~

So I reached out and sent my link and asked with the utmost apprehension if this was “good enough.” I almost immediately received a more than encouraging reply stating that it was great (it isn’t) and that she was so glad I had decided to submit something because I had been a part of the community for so long.

Every bit of anxiety I could muster up has flooded me, wondering what any of this means, mostly the negative things, though really, how can charity be negative? That’s an anxiety disorder for you right there. Fear has overtaken me on more than on occasion and silenced me, but not this time.

I hear that the book is coming along well and while I don’t know any specifics as to when it will be released or how many contributors there will be, I do know that it will be available in paperback and that means I will have a book, sitting on my shelf, with my own work in it. Not a chapter or anything more than a page, but still my words. My heart, my soul, my pains and sorrows, my love, tears, community. My faith.

That is a crazy thing to think about when everyone I know is writing a book and I have been asked to many times about the trials I have overcome, the pain I have endured and how I came to Christ. Maybe this is going to be my one and only moment published in a book, or maybe it will be a catalyst for my words to go to paper. I am a writer, I do it every day. But am I an author?

What I do know is I need to stop the inside chit chat that goes on from bringing me down and placing words in peoples mouths before they have even opened. I need to stop sowing seeds of myself stating that “I suck” and am “not worthy” because God didn’t create anyone to suck and He paved the way so that we could all be worthy if we chose to obey Him.

Sometimes we need to lean back on our six pillows (yes I have six) and let our souls exhale, whether it’s a physical release or a spiritual one that ends up being ink and paper, or a drawing, a prayer sent up. A moment of thanksgiving, or a realization that I am forgetting all about thanks-living. I need to hand it all to Him.

Amazing Grace is a gift that I don’t want to neglect or ignore or waste.

Today as my soul exhales in wondering what the future holds, it inhales the new life that is springing up all around and I am able to feel content, safe, fearless. The smile on my face not needing to be faked, no façade to break.

As I struggled to pull the deeply rooted weeds from what’s supposed to be a flower bed I was reminded that I must sow seeds of strength in the One place that they will grow roots strong and firm like those of the roots I couldn’t tear from the ground. The pot may be cracked but the earth is rich and full and the seeds I sow how more than enough room to spread and grow.

Mar 022016
 

Exhaustion set in hard and fast in February. The flu wore me down and the exhaustion took me out. Napping a few times today leaves me with a to-do list that seems to never be to-do{ne}. As many people know I have been dealing with a ton of eye pain, like someone decided to give me a good punch. If you have ever had a sore eye you know how little you want to do and how sensitive you are to pretty much anything. It really is a new level of discomfort that comes in like a thief in the night and robs you of joy.

I saw the optometrist yesterday and he said my eye likely had something viral associated with my having had the flu last month but there was no inflammation or signs of anything wrong now, just discomfort that would have to go away on it’s own. A blessing to know that my eye pain is simply pain and not something threatening my vision, or a rampant infection of some sort that would require antibiotics to mess up my gut health.

Having spent so much time in bed over the past month I have watched several complete series on Netflix and have now restarted watching The X-Files and by, “restarted” I mean I watched season one when it first came out when I was like 8. It was something my grandma and I watched each week on her 13-inch TV set across from the table in her kitchen. We would watch it and play rummy and her heavy smoke would blow into my face. She would brush out my long hair and I would brush out hers. Amazing how a show like the X-Files can bring back memories of a time so long ago, when I was a simple child just chilling with her grandma as much as she could.

Another leaf just fell from the poinsettias set out from Christmas and I am reminded that spring is on it’s way. The plants dropping their bracts are also putting out new leaves, because where there is old, there will be new. New life.

I know this is me rambling away, but honestly, putting together a bunch of thoughts on one thing sounds tedious at the moment. Definitely thinking I should perhaps use a prompt instead of doing this journal style. Oh well. Not today. Tomorrow is our five-minute free write though and that is awesome, something to look forward too, to focus on for that short amount of time. And the chat before it, the FMFParty where we talk about chocolate and books and boyfriends and husbands and kids and chores and sleeping babies and babies that won’t sleep and so much more, because that’s what community is, that’s what friends are for and the best part is that we are on Twitter inviting the world in, because in Christ there is always room for more.

Hello Mornings also started this week and we are focusing on 1 Corinthians 13 and it truly amazes me how when we focus on a verse how quickly things pop out at you in such an amazing way, a way that I had not seen before. I am using Scripture Typer to practise memorizing the chapter and so far I have memorized verses 1-2. Doesn’t seem like much, but it is more than I knew last week and the message is so much more clear.

“But if I have not love, I am nothing” v2

Such a profound statement and so true, especially when myself and many Christians consider Jesus to be LOVE. I can easily read this as “but if I don’t have Jesus, I am nothing.” I love when the Bible speaks to my heart and explains itself to me in such a jolting way. God doesn’t always cause a personal earthquake to get His point across, but when He speaks, it is impossible to not hear!

I serve an awesome God. Enough said?

Oct 242015
 

BECAUSE I am a Christian I understand exactly what this author means. BECAUSE I am a Christian I put loving others first and BECAUSE I am a Christian I don’t love people “only if they fit into a small box” I live in Love because Jesus commanded us as His followers “Love one another as I have loved you, also that you love one another”.

Jesus reached out to the sinners, He broke bread with them, shared wine with them, healed the sick that society had cast aside, befriended the prostitute and forgave the thief. Jesus didn’t come and hang out with those who were righteous, he came down to teach us to live in the glory of His love forever.



It took me years to be “openly Christian” because I didn’t want to lose my friends who have killed, done drugs, are gay, took the name of God in vain. I became openly Christian because I wanted to extend an olive branch, to teach those about the amazing things we can experience if we only live in God’s LOVE and that LOVE is for every one of his creatures because God? He didn’t make any mistakes!

If you look at someone’s life and you don’t accept them then that is Satan whispering in your ear that you are better, that that person deserves you to pass judgement on them, because God?? God said “Judge not lest ye be judged” It isn’t up to you or me or a celebrity to decide who is right in God’s eyes. We are commanded, simply to love.

And, if you or anyone else want to sit there feeling righteous while full of contempt and hate, based on one biblical line written before Jesus ever walked the earth then you need to follow every commandment that is laid out in the Bible for us, all 613 of them, because I would bet money that that celebrity you are listening to, or the old lady at church, has eaten the meat of animals with cloven hooves, had shellfish or milk with pork. And chances are, you have too. And since God says no sin is bigger than the next one then they all need to be considered in the same fashion.

If you can toss love aside to express disgust and hate for the way someone lives than you need to ask yourself, “If God is the Father of Love and creates no mistakes, why am I so angry?”


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