Dec 172016
 

Let Worry Go! #FearFightingBook

I woke up in the middle of the night, my mind tossing and turning worse than my body had been ten minutes ago.

Everything hit me at once: I’m not taking care of my family well enough. Good moms make their kids homemade meals, they don’t buy the boxed variety in the aisle’s of Trader Joe’s. They aldo don’t have picture ornaments hanging on their Christmas trees without the faces of their loves ones in them. Most of all they don’t forget birthday parties and gym day at school. Not only this, they don’t leave their houses complete wrecks; they tidy them. I’m the worst mom. I’ve got to do better. I can’t do better though, there is hardly any time for anything. My kids are bound to hate me one day.

Worry is like a spin cycle that never ends. It turns and turns and turns and turns until you are nauseous from its movement.

I should know; I sit in worry often. Do you?

The worst thing about worry is that all its circles get you nowhere. They clean nothing up, they spic and span no dish sitting in the sink and they fix no task before you.

So, why do I worry so much? You may be asking yourself the same question.

I’ve sat up countless nights circling this question. Kelly, why are you worrying? Why are you shredding a good night’s sleep with this stupid process? And, why can’t you stop thinking about what you are thinking about?

Nothing of value is ever accomplished in one’s mind in the middle of the night. I’ve determined this.

So, what is a peace-hungry woman supposed to do?

Finally, brothers and sister, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Phil 4:8

That’s what! Do you know how it looks for me in the middle of the night, when the sneaky enemy prowls around like a ravenous beast?

It looks like me saying the ABC’s of God’s goodness.

It goes like this:

A is for Always by my side, God will be.
B is for Before me, God goes.
C is for Carry me He will, when I am weak.
D is for Delight in him, he will give me the desires of my heart.

Can I tell you all something I’ve never made it all the way through the alphabet.
Never. Ever. Ever.

I’ve always fallen asleep – in peace.

When you focus on the goodness of God, you find the good thing you were always after. When you trust him and his ways, he leads you to the best way. When you stop worrying that you are worrying, you make space to start praising his name.

It works. It works anywhere at any time in any place. Start singing. Start thanking. Start noticing creation as you drive on a traffic-filled street full of cars that will never let you arrive at your destination. Still, it works.

With this, tonight, rather than dozing off to the doozy that is my motherhood-style; I’ll doze off to the truth that God has good in store even in the center of all I cannot control.

About the book, Fear Fighting, Awakening the Courage to Overcome Your Fears:

Author and speaker, Kelly Balarie didn’t always fight fear – for a large part of her life, she was controlled by it. Yet, in her boo, Fear Fighting: Awakening the Courage to Overcome Your Fears, with God, Kelly charts a new course. Join Kelly, on the journey to go and grow with Christ’s bravery, the Spirit’s cousel and God’s unending love that squelches fear. This book reads like a love letter from God, while offering practical heart-calming prayers, anxiety-reducing tips, and courage-building decrees that will transform your day. www.FearFightingBook.com

About Kelly Balarie:

Kelly is both a Cheerleader of Faith and a Fighter of Fear. She leans on the power of God, rests on the shoulder of Christ, and discovers how to glow in the dark places of life. Get all Kelly’s blog posts by email or visit her on her blog, Purposeful Faith. You can also find a variety of resources for your fight against fear at www.FearFightingBook.com

Nov 242016
 

Yeah so sometimes you feel hesitant at the top of the world while looking out at the sun set from 13 stories’ up, or while sitting in a window overlooking main street watching the lights into the night. And while you watch out you wonder when the bad will come because as good as something may seem you have that pit in your stomach that your very own Babylon will fall and you not so secretly hope it’s sooner rather than later because later is a waste of time.

And then conversation gets awkward. Things happen that you try and fight away but feel powerless over and maybe because you expected it since you aren’t surprised when the nice has left and has been replaced by random accusations that don’t make sense to the logical world and you hit block before you let your resolve be stolen from you.

Instead of stooping down low you bend down on achy knees and you hand it all to God knowing you didn’t do anything wrong and there is no way to make things right. I refuse to be petty because pettiness leads to being hurt and I won’t allow my soul to be destroyed by negativity.

Life shoots enough bullets at the soul that I don’t have to let someone else’s issues cause an abscess to fester and leave new open wounds. This realization has shown me that I have grown a ton, it’s also shown me I have a long way to go. Don’t we all?

I have caused pain that I can’t make right. I have apologized. I have explained. I have cried over relationships forever changed, but I have no regrets. I have been lonely. I have been tired and worn. I have been living in fear and yet there is a tiny part of me that knows that no one can do to me what hasn’t already been done, unless they kill me. So, I am trying to step out in faith knowing that the only thing to fear is fear itself. If my life was a horror movie I would be the survivor girl.

I live in love and I love deeply and completely and while circumstance may change, love never does.

Oct 272016
 

As many know, I hate to eat, I really don’t like the feeling of anything in my mouth and never have. It’s actually pretty crazy and my mama says I never did like to eat and I have never really known when I am hungry, that is, until I take a med that is supposed to make me sleep. Then I am starving and wanting food. I don’t normally remember it but when the feeling hits I have wondered if its my body saying “feed me or I am going to pass out” rather than actually being hungry.

I have been exhausted the last while and getting cravings for salt or candy each month. I find it funny because the only time I get cravings normally is when I am pregnant, which I assure you, I am NOT!

Food normally brings people together, the kitchen being the heart of the home, but for me, it does the opposite, avoiding family meals and going out for dinner with friends all because I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to be served something that I don’t want in my mouth. It makes me sad that my food aversions are so powerful as to prevent me from breaking bread with others, but it does.

In looking into this more and more as I have aged I have come to realize some of us who are “picky” actually have diagnosable food issues especially with textures. So, at least I am not the only one, though in a lot of ways, I wish I were, because I don’t want anyone avoiding social situations or getting in trouble for not eating their dinner, because of something that is an actual diagnosable issue.

So, if you are hosting and have someone who doesn’t want to eat, or seems to push their food around rather than placing it in their mouths, don’t take it personally, you may have someone who feels horrible on the other side of that plate who just can’t bring themselves to “do it.”

Oct 212016
 

Lately, I have become one of those people who takes up two or three parking spaces without a care in the world. I think that makes me the person who frustrates me the most!? This tiredness is giving me this nonchalant attitude of simply not caring, and I don’t like how it is changing me.

I want to do everything in a manner that brings glory to God and yet I don’t have the energy, so what kind of Christian does this make me? Is He meeting me in the parking lot and whispering in my ear that it’s okay to park crazy as long as I park safely or is He looking down and shaking His head at this broken child and saying that I have fallen and fallen hard?

When will He answer my prayer and refill my energy supply? When will my psyche realize that I am not psycho and that less is better than more? Will I realize it when He whispers into my itchy, fluid filled ears that I am enough?

Or, are these truths that I already know but refuse to admit to myself?

I need to park myself down and have a true Sabbath. A day of rest. A day to live love and absorb the world, the Word. A day where I don’t think about tomorrow and simply live in His grace and in the faith I have that He already has tomorrow planned and worked out so that I don’t have to be enslaved to the calendar or a list.

I need to create the habit of a weekly Sabbath for myself. I would LOVE to know how you do this so you don’t burn out like me!?

Oct 202016
 

I’ve reached this sort of burn out that I didn’t know I could get if I wasn’t post-partum. This exhaustion that cuts into the marrow of my bones and sucks me dry. A weekend, the kind where you relax and have happy family time isn’t in the foreseeable future, but when is it when you have teens?

Between teens wandering off and sports I am beginning to believe I live in the car. My autoimmune issues are in a constant flare-up, my allergies are beginning to feel like a disease and I have literally dangled by my hair from the seatbelt trying to escape the all-wheel drive jail cell.

I should be grateful for all that I have, and in actual fact, I am. I know that I have far more blessings than so many people in this world but that doesn’t change that I am falling asleep everywhere, not sleeping when I need to, and have a to-do list a mile long with worry on my mind and pain in my soul.

I actually look forward to a Monday now because that means the hectic weekend is over and that I can check off some of those boxes and try to detox my soul by sinking into the Word while allowing it to sink into me.

Don’t ever ask a stay at home mama what she does all day, because it is really exhausting, even if you are healthy.

Oct 162016
 

I stare up at the sun and realize that today is yesterday on the other side of the world, and yet there are times in the day where we can both gaze up at the same stars, moon and feel the heat from the very same sun.

Then, I realize how vast the universe is and how little I am within it.

Lunar Eclipse ©Marisa Slusarcyk

How I am barely a speck of a speck and yet God counts every single hair on my head. That blows me away! He knows every star in the sky, every soul that has walked this earth or ever will, every hair on every head, and each of mine are just as BIG to Him as my brothers and sisters created by Him who stand firmly in His Holy Name!!!


Oct 152016
 

I woke up today to the family wondering where the entire case of Gatorade had gone. It was almost comical listening to them feel insane swearing up and down that it was on the floor in the dining room the day before, especially since it had been.

But the floors needed mopped and I cleaned out a cupboard and found space and was able to unpack the case and recycle the box and put the Gatorade away and apparently when you tell the child who actually needs the Gatorade where it is and don’t tell anyone else it causes an early morning ruckus as they try to get ready for a hockey game.

They found it, you know, once they actually stopped looking on the floor!


It’s amazing how a small move can really cause such an issue for someone when they are used to things being in a certain place, a certain way. And yet for us Christians many of us spend our lives searching for God and in reality He isn’t hidden in a cupboard, a church, behind a door, or inside of a book. Yes, He certainly is in all of these places but the one place that needs to be searched and tends to be overlooked is within our own hearts, our own souls.

He created our soul in the very beginning. He created it all, and all of us, right then and there in those first days as the universe took shape and for whatever reason we expect God to be like the Gatorade or the lost keys or the dollar you thought you had in your wallet and can’t find, but that’s not the case. He is unmoving, unwavering, living within those of us who choose to live.

When we accepted Him into our hearts as Lord and Saviour of our lives it wasn’t until He moves on to someone else, to another place. This isn’t a game of hide and seek. He is there, forever and always. We can send Him an eviction notice but He will wait us out and He won’t move.


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