Oct 242015
 

BECAUSE I am a Christian I understand exactly what this author means. BECAUSE I am a Christian I put loving others first and BECAUSE I am a Christian I don’t love people “only if they fit into a small box” I live in Love because Jesus commanded us as His followers “Love one another as I have loved you, also that you love one another”.

Jesus reached out to the sinners, He broke bread with them, shared wine with them, healed the sick that society had cast aside, befriended the prostitute and forgave the thief. Jesus didn’t come and hang out with those who were righteous, he came down to teach us to live in the glory of His love forever.



It took me years to be “openly Christian” because I didn’t want to lose my friends who have killed, done drugs, are gay, took the name of God in vain. I became openly Christian because I wanted to extend an olive branch, to teach those about the amazing things we can experience if we only live in God’s LOVE and that LOVE is for every one of his creatures because God? He didn’t make any mistakes!

If you look at someone’s life and you don’t accept them then that is Satan whispering in your ear that you are better, that that person deserves you to pass judgement on them, because God?? God said “Judge not lest ye be judged” It isn’t up to you or me or a celebrity to decide who is right in God’s eyes. We are commanded, simply to love.

And, if you or anyone else want to sit there feeling righteous while full of contempt and hate, based on one biblical line written before Jesus ever walked the earth then you need to follow every commandment that is laid out in the Bible for us, all 613 of them, because I would bet money that that celebrity you are listening to, or the old lady at church, has eaten the meat of animals with cloven hooves, had shellfish or milk with pork. And chances are, you have too. And since God says no sin is bigger than the next one then they all need to be considered in the same fashion.

If you can toss love aside to express disgust and hate for the way someone lives than you need to ask yourself, “If God is the Father of Love and creates no mistakes, why am I so angry?”


Oct 232015
 

I was travelling down this path looking for God in every place I could think to search, starting with the Bible and books written on the Word of God and then of course in the people who follow him and the people who don’t and somewhere along the messy path of papers tossed, folded highlighted and carpeting the bed and floors I realized that I had entered the world of ministry without even meaning to.

I was ministering to people through my blog, through my words because others could relate to the broken truth that I have experienced in my life and somehow that made us soul sisters in more ways than simply having Christ in common. I realized that church can be right here on my computer screen, in a Facebook group and on Twitter on Thursday nights, it can be prayers in a holding embrace in the grocery store shared among friends, it is dropping my son off at Youth group and keeping my eyes on the road as he points out the stars in the sky and explains to me which are burnt out.

God became my everything and I realized He is everywhere, in everything and I was sharing the joy I had found, because surely if He is faithful to lowly me, then He will be faithful to everyone else who seeks Him too!

I realized though, that ministry isn’t all smiles, it carries a lot of burden, pain and tears. My prayer list is a mile long and everyday someone else gets added, something else needs my energy, my focus, my bringing it to God. People don’t always ask for prayer
–actually, most don’t,
but they still need to be prayed for.


Without any formal training I have been blessed to minister to new and old friends. I have cried tears when cancer came back and stole a mama away from her kids, I have lost sleep praying with tears running down my cheeks -for the family who just lost their child, I have wept and rejoiced over successful organ transplants and offered comfort when they weren’t. I have given my honest opinion when asked. I have lost more friends than I can count and I have suffered silently while standing strong.

I have listened to stories told by elderly widowers speaking of their wives and how they met, got married and raised each other and then I have watched those same people wither away into dementia and heart failure and eventual physical death.

I have stood vigil over the dying and held their cold hands and prayed. I have made coffee and snacks in makeshift kitchens set up in hospital rooms for family who refused to leave. I have slept in chairs, I have lost sleep and made myself physically ill just so I could help someone to know they are spiritually well.

Yet, somehow in ALL of this ugliness there is a light and that light is Christ and I trust that He is guiding me just right, like the lighthouse protecting ships from jagged rocks in rocky seas, God is there always, perfectly, for both you and me.

I fell into ministry for a reason and I have no clue where it will take me or when, but I trust that God already knows and that He will use me in the ways I need to be used and I will gladly serve Him diligently. Ministry isn’t a 9-5, and for me it doesn’t even pay in dollars, but knowing that I have helped soul-holes be filled in and have been the one appointed to be leaned on is a task I do not take lightly. He is my strength, my refuge. Because of seeds planted in me years ago, He has grown around me, roots strong and protecting my soul.

Oct 162015
 

The green fields of hay have been long brown and the frost and the cold each night threatens the green grass covered in leaves colored in reds, browns and orange. It won’t be long now until the snow comes and while I love the snow and the blanketed earth made new and fresh I can’t help but also feel a nudge of grief and loss because once the snow comes navigating through the cemetery becomes more than tough. I feel like I am either stepping on someone’s head or talking to the wrong person all while up to my knees in the frozen white.

Winter does have its own green though, at least here. When you look up at night at the right time you can see the northern lights dancing in shades of gold, yellow and green and sometimes on the coldest nights you will see other colors like pinks and purples too and you can’t help but want to dance right along with the sky that God has painted, is painting.


My love has seen the southern lights, which I didn’t know even existed, but apparently they do and they do a similar dance and make you feel one with the whole universe while also feeling small.

It’s okay to feel small.

There is magic up in the sky from the stars to the lights to the who knows what is and why, because God, He created everything and my son reminds me all the time on our drives home from youth that the star I am looking at has long been burned out and I realize just how far away that star really is that it’s light lingers on in my personal here and now.

Back at the cemetery are the ones I love and I love to think of them as those burnt out stars, there vessels no longer alive yet their lights still shining bright, impacting the darkness, and changing life.

I don’t have much to say on the topic of green. It was fun watching Holly and Mary and Ashertiah ponder out loud on this and I am reminded that this FMF Party is really a FMF FAMILY and I am so blessed by y’all to be a part of it. While we pray for Jen who is moving to her tiny house and then traveling with her church to Cambodia, while we pray for mental health and Valerie’s current struggle, while we pray for Asheritah’s pregnancy and friends who are in new seasons with new jobs or retiring… we grow fresh and new like the grass after a long melt.

We thank the Lord for the community and the friendship and the bacon and the chocolate and the periscope popins and so much more and I have to remember that God is the great Conductor of the Orchestra that we all know and love. Some of us are green with morning sickness, while others are green with envy and others are looking on and thinking the grass is greener on the other side and that’s what makes each and every one of us a critical part of this ministry, of this symphony that imperfectly-perfectly combines.

Oct 142015
 

Yeah, you put on the white cloak and you sat there at my bedside when the world was completely engulfed in all things dark. You convinced me that I was to suffer and be in pain and feel the sting of the whip crack against my broken flesh because I couldn’t be obedient to Jesus holy name.

Then, one day the truth poked through and I knew it was live or die. I wouldn’t let you win – not this time.

It was a dark and cold February night as I fought for my life in a battle with you, the person who claimed to have the One on your side. You raped me –torn, bloody, raw. To prove that you were a man to be obeyed. You held a knife to me, you choked me, you knocked me out but the real God prevailed and He got me out.

The priest cupped my hands firmly 4 months after that night and her words stuck with me. “Even Satan can read. He is the master manipulator, the father of lies.”


Tears flowed down my cheeks –a release that I had been holding onto, holding in –the pain was killing me. I held the Bible firmly and slept with it under my pillow trying to pray the past away. In search of the true Truth and not the one I was forced to obey.

My notebooks grew thick as I began to study, read and write. It was God in and evil out throughout the day and night. I was on the hunt for the One who protects and does not hurt, the One who saves because He was the sacrifice, the One who forgives those who society won’t redeem, the God who came to earth with skin on to fulfill prophesy of old.

Somewhere along the broken road without even realizing I had done it – I believed, I had accepted Christ into my heart and life was finally looking up, the clouds still lingered and the pain of the past still stung-fresh, but above every dark cloud there was Light and every shadow was cast by the Light and when I realized that there could be no shadow if the Light didn’t exist I knew that I was on the path just right.

And so my notes have grown and my heart has not only found God but it’s a place in which He resides, the weary-drained no longer steals from my soul because the angels with their swords aflame keep the evil one out. When I do see his ugly face my tongue becomes the whip and the lashes that make him flee are scripture on my tongue.

I am saved. I am free. I am redeemed.

In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace;
~Ephesians 1:7 (KJV)~

Are you supporting your favorite Write 31 Days authors by reading their posts daily-

DaySpring.com is celebrating all of the amazing Write 31 Days readers who are supporting nearly 2,000 writers this October! To enter to win a $500 DaySpring shopping spree, just click on this link & follow the giveaway widget instructions. Good luck, and thanks for reading!


Oct 132015
 

Today was more of the same old, hanging out online, checking emails, reading, chatting with my mom, waiting for the clouds to clear and the sun to poke through –which it did, and for a change –waiting for the telephone/internet guy to come sometime after 8am. He showed up around 3pm and was here about an hour. He is pretty confident everything is fixed and going to work well now but only time will tell and he said he would follow up in a few days.

Have you ever had to wait for someone all day like that? I must’ve checked the time every ten minutes feeling like hours had passed without him arrival. Feelings of being forgotten about or missed ran through my head and then I would look and it was only noon. Time stood still.

I am a stay at home mom and my kids are in school so really the day should have been pretty basic and like any other but that added intrusion of the wait really wore me out and wore on my nerves. I had to dig deep and be patient, after tweeting the company for being slow, which I did {hopefully} rectify when I tweeted them thanking them for their service and for the thorough job that their technician did.

As Christians though, aren’t we always in a time of wait or of counting? Waiting for the second coming and wondering at every turn if this is it, if the signs we are seeing are in fact Biblical. Waiting as we count down the days to Christmas through Advent, then to Easter through Lent and so on. When you add in back to school, weekends, schools out, holidays, and other things we are always waiting, always counting and planning and never truly mastering patience because if we were practicing the virtue of patience we wouldn’t need to do the counting or have an emotional response to whatever is coming next, we would humbly live each day the way we live every day and simply trust in God’s timing rather than in that of our clocks and calendars. We would probably even realize we are enjoying things a whole lot more.

Yet, even as that stay at home mom it is impossible to toss the clock and live by feel alone because the world is a scheduled place and we have to plan for what comes even though we know that God always provides.

His provision and my laziness can often go hand in hand, I can easily say that I don’t need a garden or to go to the store for food because God will provide, and while it is doubtful we would starve to death God IS providing for us by giving us the ability to grow food and the money to pick up groceries and even if we don’t have the money He has given us social services that will help us get through the thick of it.

The ant and the grasshopper has always been a wonderful parable, both secular and biblically speaking. The grasshopper is out and plays all the time and then finds comes winter that there is no food stores and the ant worked all summer –hard, and has an abundance.

I don’t want to be either. I want to be a beautiful hybrid of the two. I want to work when I need to and enjoy life at the same time. I don’t want all work and no play or all play and no work. God created me to be a balanced being and when I lean too far one way it topples everything else over.

Do you relate to the ant or the grasshopper? Are you always in a phase of waiting? Some days it feels like I am an airplane set in a holding pattern, waiting… just waiting.

Oct 122015
 

Yeah so yesterday I didn’t write and I took a rest. I have been taking a lot of rests lately. Things are making me exhausted right now. The fall is always hard for me to navigate and I know I am doing a million times better than I have in previous years but I still can’t get out of the rut of things from the past. The fall represents miscarriages and losses and deaths and simply, pain.

Looking outside and seeing the falling leaves and the grey sky and blowing cold rain doesn’t help to ease the depressing feelings that rain down on the inside and threaten to drown my soul. I light candles each day to remind me of God’s light. The flick-flickering of a candle steadfast just like the One who saves.

Life has brought me a lot of storms along the way, from murders and death to living losses and everything in between. I haven’t had it easy and sometimes I feel like I have lived 1000 lives and maybe it’s because I have.

I think it is fair to describe my life as one storm after another or even one storm that just doesn’t end.

It is Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. I have a lot to be thankful for. Thousands of things on the list that grows a little more each night as I snuggle into my warm blankets and write.

This year Thanksgiving dinner was different. It was at my aunt’s house for the first time ever and while snug we all fit, wine was drank and juice boxes passed around –before we found the wine that is. Beer from the local brewery was tasted and when I asked my brother if I could have a sip from his glass he said what he has said every year since he learned to talk “if you don’t backwash”.

Yeah, sometimes family never changes and most of the time that is a welcome thing to have. Same houses, same toys, same games played with cousins. Same dishes to look forward to and dread making and wondering how you got stuck with something expensive and difficult when someone else brought the rolls.

Yet, it doesn’t matter, none of it. None of the cost or lack of seats or place settings because we are together and together is where we need to be. Tonight, as we had our own family dinner the power went out just before anything was able to reach the stove. The only thing cooked was the ham. My son, brother and dad made themselves ham sandwiches because there was nothing else but salad made and the lack of power and the abundance of LED lights and candles made everything perfectly imperfect and right.

Because if everything stayed the same, if the lights never went out and there weren’t bumps in the road causing fractures and cracks we would have nothing to be grateful for. Nothing to cause us to want to pull near to the One who holds life’s map. Sure we missed a good portion of the Blue Jays game but instead we got to talk and just be in the presence of each other in the present and then suddenly aside from God you are realizing that He has given you the greatest gift –family.

So, maybe I have missed writing for a day or two, but that’s okay because I was creating memories and my computer was having a long nap. The wax of the candles has went down a few inches this past week and tomorrow the epic saga of the internet being down several times a day will continue and maybe come to an end as I wait on the company to finally fix it.

As I close tonight I am filled with hope. Hope in the Lord. Hope in the future. Hope for tomorrow. Hope. It is a powerful four letter word that begins with the Father.

As we hope in the Lord
We will gain our strength
We will run for miles
We will stand up straight
We will not grow weary
We will not grow faint
On the wings of an eagle we will rise
~Isaiah 40:31~

Oct 022015
 

I have struggled for YEARS to know what my calling is. I have always believed that I would be a stay at home mom and homeschool and have a small brood of children because my grandma was 1 of 11, my other grandma was 1 of 21 and my grandpa was 1 of 7. My dad was 1 of 5 and my mom 1 of 3. So the larger family always appealed to me. Growing up next door to cousins and spending time with them on weekends and at school was always fun. We didn’t grow up blood, we grew up best friends. Which is something I always wanted for my own children as siblings.

However, that is not how my life has worked out. Yes I am a SAHM but we live with my parents and my mom really is the house mother, doing the large majority of the child rearing. I simply don’t feel like a mom, not the way I did when the kids were little and choices were mine and the house was mine etc.

I have looked into schooling but going away really isn’t an option because I can’t leave my kids and I am interested in so many topics that I could either be a career student or I could land myself in a field that would be fairly useless for the area we live in. Keeping the family together is important to me. Moving my kids away from their home is not an option and packing up my parents won’t go over well!!

I have felt a lot of calling to the Lord and to using my experiences of domestic violence and everything that went with that to bring the Lord glory. I have looked into taking classes along the Pastoral route but so far I haven’t been able to find a reputable course load that I can take online from a distance, which to me is God’s way of telling me it isn’t my calling, or it isn’t my calling right now.

Prayer has become a huge part of my life, and the biggest prayer on my heart right now is for a husband, not just any husband, but THE ONE that God created specifically to be in my life. My other half. Flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone. I still feel like at my age (30) that there is plenty of opportunity to have more children if the Lord chooses to bless me with more, but if he doesn’t I will have to figure out where I stand in life. What I can do, what I can’t.

Right now, I believe I am exactly where I should be. Learning more about myself, more about the Lord, more scripture, and, of course being a friend and mother to my children and encouraging them on their own journeys.

Recently (in the past year), I have been called to dress more modestly, I rarely wear pants anymore and honestly don’t miss them. I love feeling feminine and I am enjoying my body more now than I ever have in my life since purposing to dress modestly and in growing out my hair and stopping dying it and being content with what I have been given instead of trying to change it.


How has God worked in your heart through your life? Have you found yourself in a tailspin feeling confused or lost? I would love to know how you know when God is speaking to you and how you know when it ISN’T God. Please leave a comment and let me know!!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...