The days are creeping into each other and I am losing track of time. I really hate things being hectic. By hectic I suppose I mean what normal people would consider an easy day. For me though, my anxiety creeps in when I don’t get enough time for me. Feelings of doubt, frustration, and an odd type of grief settle in and they land hard.
I pull back the drapes or curtains or whatever you want to call them and I allow the bright winter light in but the sky is still grey and my glass is becoming perpetually half empty rather than half full. Holding on to sanity seems hopeless and at times it’s something I don’t even want to do, sanity comes with responsibility. I don’t like that. I don’t like living in this grown up world. I would rather laugh like a child, sneak cookies and be overly dramatic -because it’s fun.
The sun has been hidden for so long and having been cooped up is a struggle, even though I am a homebody I love to go for hikes, sit out on the deck and read or write, lay on the trampoline and bask in the sun (or let’s face it, JUMP) and come this time of year having been able to do so little of that is simply hard. I miss nature. I miss the grass between my toes, climbing up a jagged hill just to see the other side.
Hope is definitely hiding on me right now. Its absence has me down. I know I am beyond blessed and I have no right to complain. My prayers keep being answered, Bible study’s are being done, and I know God has this and that He has me.
It is in the struggling to keep the demons out of my mind and life that steal my hope. I have to learn how to hope in the Lord and the Lord alone because He does not disappoint, He remains faithful -Always.
Those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
My word for 2016 is FOCUS and I feel like God definitely placed that word on my heart. I have been needing to focus on Him, on prayer, and on getting a schedule and staying on track, because when I don’t have FOCUS Satan sweeps in like a thief in the night and blindsides me.