Mar 202015
 

The rush of thoughts blow in through an open door the way the wind whistles in through the cracks of an old house, chilling me to the bone and filling me with negativity and doubt. Satan rushes in, knocking on the door with a hammered fist capable of instilling a fear or fleeting thought that can and does destroy.

You see, when you have been abused, those strange sounds in the night, the creeks of a house, the flick of a light, they are all evil. They are all memories repressed, a man coming to grab you and take you away for what will feel like an eternity and the cold steel cuffs cutting in to your flesh and leaving imprints on the mind that can’t be released with any size of key. Like one rape survivor recently told me, “those moments are etched permanently into the soul and only faith will get you through.”

Silence is the ultimate form of Satan though. The ultimate way to let him defeat your faith, defeat you, destroy you and your relationships with those you love and of course God.

Silence is the silent killer.

I can count on one hand how many men I have spoken to who weren’t abused and even fewer women. Many of those men and women telling me that because of my candid story they felt that they could for the FIRST time open up to me in ways they never could another soul.

Do you know how many men told me they were abused by a male family member and then weren’t believed by their parents? The pharmacist told me the other day that the local statistics are about 1 in 20 men who come forward and 1 in 10 women. I explained to her that in my experience the statistics are opposite that. About 19 of 20 men tell me that they were abused, usually sexually, and 9 out of 10 women have a dramatic story of rape and abusive relationships.

The stories all read eerily similar too, it is like if you have read one you have pretty well read them all and the aftermath is broken down people with broken souls that need rebuilt and no idea how to pick up the pieces.

A young lady found out about her sexual abuse as a child and has had multiple suicide attempts since. The mere fact that this happened to her, regardless of a lack of memories, is enough to make her mentally ill, enough to give Satan a leg up on God, enough that she has tried to give in to the pain and make it stop.

I have about 100 scars on my left arm from cutting myself. Each one has its time and place – a memory associated with each one. Suicide attempts more than I can count, all with the same underlying pain as the factor behind them.

Rape. Torture. Abuse.

So how do I stop letting that wicked wind into my life and how do I keep God on top of it all? I talk. I tell my story because when I don’t it eats me alive and nearly causes my death. I take medications to shut Satan up the best they can. I try to focus on the Lord first and last in my day because I know HE is the giver of life and that HE can turn this brutal story into something wonderful. He can make it so my story can help others who are dealing with some of the same. He can use pain to defeat Satan – fight fire with fire.

Placing my faith and TRUST in God is not only the hardest thing I have ever had to do, it is also the EASIEST.

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  2 Responses to “When Satan Comes A Knockin’”

  1. I’m praying for you every day – just wanted you to know it. Know that we will all be complete and whole one day. Love to you, sister-in-Christ.

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