Apr 302015

I walked out that door that night with the kids in my arms, fighting for my life. What I didn’t know when that door slammed shut behind me was how many doors would open in front of me. Doors to a world I never knew existed. To the REAL God, to the REAL Christianity. To freedom that I had never had before. To being a mom. To being able to make decisions.

I also didn’t expect all of the overwhelming feelings that came with those new doors. You don’t realize how hard it can be to simply walk through into goodness when the last door was all bad, but I did it and yes I still struggle but I know I am on the right side of the right door this time and I couldn’t be happier, even with my past that tries to creep up and haunt me. Instead, I can use that past to bring God glory.

I had no clue that a story so gory could bring such glory!

But it does. I have talked to men and women from around the world who were brave in hearing my candid story and then opened up for the first time to tell me their stories of hurt and abuse. My heart has broken a thousand times but my soul has said a million prayers because those people have new doors to walk through as well! They can embark on this journey to heal and each day they can follow His Word and utter the words “By His stripes I am healed” and one day? You believe it! Because God isn’t a liar. He didn’t come down here to mock us or make us look like fools. He came to save us, to carry that burden for us so that we can be healed mentally, physically and spiritually. When the soul sees a glimmer of light it can poke in a finger and rip away the dark revealing all that is Light.

I have been struggling with people from the last few years. What impact they will have on my future. I have been praying about a friend who lied and hurt in almost every single way and now she has apologized a few years too late and I forgave her long ago but I don’t trust her and I don’t know if letting her back in is a door I want to open or keep closed.

Another door I found myself opening was one to my own Etsy shop. It is far from refined or fancy because I am just figuring it out, but I am on disability and I am single and I have two kids who are in constant need of necessities and I know Etsy won’t make me rich, it may not make me anything at all, but I have to try because I can’t go out into the work world. I have tried, many a times, and always ended up in the hospital from that Post Traumatic Stress.

I have thought about starting a go fund me account but why would anyone donate to me? What have I offered them to be able to have them reach out and help me? There are so many problems in this world and so many doors slammed shut and I struggle to know what’s real or right, especially when it comes to money. I get very lost as I return back to this person who feels underserving.

So as one door closes another opens and I am often scared to step inside. I often find myself stagnant because of fear and then guilty for being afraid when I simply need to live in trust.

Simply live in trust… not simple for me at all.

Save 50% in my Etsy shop with code NEW50


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  18 Responses to “When the Door Slammed Shut #FMFParty”

  1. I too walked out a door with two kids many years ago. It was a scary time but our Father proved Himself faithful to me over and over and over again. God bless you richly, Marissa!

    • It has been 10 years since I left but it is a season where things feel like they happened only yesterday. I have come a LONG way and I know that God only has good for me!!

  2. You are brave and I know about walking out this door myself. I am a single mom of two grown sons now but your struggles and reality are hard and so “real”. I am praying for you and this journey and know I am available if you need someone to chat with. Blessings and peace!

    • Thank you Mary. I am really happy that so many comments are also letting me know I am not alone and that while time heals and good happens that the memories do stay.

  3. Marisa, your story is one of victory in the making. I’m so glad God got you out that terrible door and opened up a world of doors for you. Making choices is intimidating when you’ve been denied the privilege. I love hearing how God is using you to encourage and strengthen others to find the open doors in their lives.

    • Thank you sweet friend! I have walked through many doors and tried to slam a few since my “escape” and in it all God has been the only constant, even when I didn’t realize it! How awesome is that?!

  4. Marisa, I wish I could hold your hand through this season. Hooray for you for stepping out in faith and bravery and opening an Etsy store! It’s hard to put yourself out there, but it gets easier with time. Been there. Done that. 🙂 Let me know if I can help you with anything!

    • Thanks Asheritah! I am really struggling with figuring out pictures for Etsy and of course prices. I am thinking it is coming from the “not being good enough” voice inside of me. I pray that God will help me succeed and lead the way!!

  5. May God richly bless you as you continue to walk through the doors he opens for you!

    • Thank you Anita!! I am sure He will!! I feel like an awful person praying about money when there is so much else to pray for. I know He will always provide but I also know that I have to take action when He speaks!

  6. Marisa, I was escorted out of a door 35+ years ago – not physically injured but soul-destroyed. One of the hardest things I’ve ever done, with three children under 11 in tow. I never looked back but kept doing the next thing – ran from God for a season but He graciously extended His hand to this wandering sheep and brought me back into the fold. His mercy IS new every morning. Baby steps, my friend, and soon you will make long strides. xoxo

    • I completely understand Susan 🙁 I feared God, because I had been “trained” through the Bible. But, I found myself praying and then needing to know the truth and what I learned was that everything I had been through was based on Satan being able to memorize and manipulate scripture. Sometimes I don’t even thnk of this time in my life, other times it is constantly on my mind.

  7. I’ve loved reading all the encouraging comments to you! FMF is such a great community.

    If you’ve thought about setting up a GoFundMe account, maybe you should. I think many people love to serve others in the way of blessing them financially when they’ve been blessed with money. Don’t discount yourself! You sharing your story is brave and helps others feel the freedom to share their own. And that is worth every potential penny donated.

    • Thank you Liz, I am still praying on it. My children need new things like a computer for school and my medications cost a small fortune. I just know there are people who are in more need than I am. God always provides and if that is the way in which He plans then I will definitely set something up! Thank you again for your encouragement

  8. Marisa, I love how you are wrestling this thing out. Every time I read your words I hear the voice of a woman who is determined to allow the Lord to bring good and glory out of her pain. He will honor that. He already honors that through this platform of influence you have; through the people you’ve been able to speak to. I have no doubt that there are many who have been strengthened in their faith because of your courage and candor.

    I’m not at all flippant when I say this: Remember, God will provide for all your needs. He has never once failed me in this area and I know He won’t fail you, either!

    • Thank you Marie!! It is my prayer that my story will encourage and maybe even bring a single person to God, because if all that bad can positively change the life of someone else none of the hard was for “nothing” but rather for his glory!

  9. You are very brave! Praise be to God!


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