Apr 012015
 

I haven’t felt much like writing lately. Actually, I haven’t felt like much of anything. I ate yesterday for the first time in a few days. I have a touch of a bug that had my sense of smell out of whack – even the bakery made me nauseous! {say what???}

Even though I am feeling crumby  it is sort of a nice thing because I still don’t feel as bad as I did every single day before I started Plexus. So if this is me being sick I will take it! First year since 2007 that I haven’t had bronchitis or pneumonia with multiple rounds of antibiotics, no coughing until I was sick and no migraines causing me to hole up in a cement bunker without electricity or sound {okay, my basement with everything unplugged and shut off}.

So yeah, I am definitely excited about Plexus and how it has helped me. I also did my weigh in and I am down 26lbs. That is crazy. 26lbs that I had gained because of medications that I won’t ever see again and that have made my clothes fit looser and has inspired me to throw out some of my “fat” clothes even though I am only about a third of the way down in this weight loss goal. I know that tossing those clothes and filling my closet with pieces I LOVE is good for my mentality and is a process in itself of healing. I never thought that I would be the fat girl, but that’s what multiple pregnancies and years of abuse and dealing with the trauma did to me.

I am excited for what the future may hold. I would love to have another baby or two or three or whatever God decides to bless me with and for the first time in about 10 years I feel like I have the energy to do this mom thing and to carry a child within my womb and go through the labor of love to hold a tiny newborn in my arms. I had thought that because of my weight I wouldn’t be able to have more children and that was a sad dream to die, but now, I know that if it is God’s will I can take it on and I will be healthy enough for it all.

Lacking Words

In lacking words to write and things to say I have found myself being creative in other ways.

101_0497I have been doing some art again for the first time in several years, some in one of my Bibles which I never thought I would do and I actually prayed a lot about because I had seen some amazing Bible journaling and I felt like that would be an amazing way for me to get into the Word. So I prayed “Father, is it okay to write in my Bible?” I have a lot of deep theological conversations with God like that. He said “Yes! If it brings you closer to me and puts my Word in you then YES!”101_0499

Turns out my art skills are definitely in the “needs to be worked on” department but the fun thing about art is that all you have to do is create and be in His Word. He doesn’t expect perfection, He wants intention. My Bible is getting highlighted and painted in and draw on and even glued in and I am excited to be in the Word in a different way than normal.101_0491

I also bought a sketch pad and have been doing some bigger Bible art journaling in it, nothing fancy because I don’t have the resources to do fancy but again the intention is to spend time in the Word and I am doing just that.

Planner Girl

I recently discovered this crazy exciting way to express myself and make my journaling and listing more fun and that is through the Planner Girl community on Instagram and Youtube; Using scrapbooking supplies to be creative and to make my journal pages more fun.101_0494

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I started today with an April challenge called Listers Gotta List and I enjoyed creating a pageabout where I am at right now and why. Again, my page wasn’t perfect or even really pretty but it had me use those much talked about Fringe Hours for myself to reflect and just simply enjoy. I feel much like a child cutting and pasting but those childlike moments are an awesome reprieve from the everyday ordinary, especially if the everyday is involving PTSD and pain.

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101_0506I have been sure to put my prayer requests into my journal each day as well as my gratitude because I have found one thing to be true for me and that is if I pray and don’t acknowledge when God has answered and how thenI don’t pray so often because I am missing out on the fruit that he is giving me in His answers.

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101_0509This past week I wrote down twice that I would like even just one day without my back hurting. So yesterday, when I didn’t need a single Tylenol I was full of Hallelujah’s! So often do we only see the hard things and overlook the good things, the good days. In doing so, we are missing out on God, because He is all that is good.

I am striving to see more God (good) and less Satan (bad). Today, my pain is there but not as bad as it was before. I know I am likely to have good days and bad but it is already 4pm and I am only now taking painkillers for the first time since waking up. God is good!

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  5 Responses to “Where Have I Been?”

  1. It’s good to see you again! It looks like you’ve been busy being creative and the results are beautiful :). I’m glad you’ve found a medicine that works for you and that you’ve been able to lose some weight and feel good about yourself! Praise God!

  2. Intention, not perfection … oh, yes, THIS is what God has been teaching me. I’m reading Holley Gerth’s newest book, “You’re Loved No Matter What,” which has been fabulous and seemingly written for me! 🙂 Thanks for linking up at #ThreeWordWednesday.

  3. So very glad that you are feeling better!!! Isn’t God good?!?!

  4. Beautiful pages of your journals! Thanks for sharing those…I’m inspired! Thanks for sharing this encouragement with us at #RaRaLinkup this week!

  5. How wonderful that you are feeling better and more hopeful! I love your art and reading about the joy your Bible is bringing you. Happy Easter!

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