Apr 212016

We stood there in the hallway choking back tears after she had been hitting refresh for hours on end trying to find out what had happened and how, she reached for me for the first time in years, her 13 year old self, and I reached my arms around her and hers slid around me and in a single moment we became a part of the same club, united under the worst circumstances, our hearts shredded by death -suicide. Her best friend from a year ago gone, just like that and I had no way to console her broken heart outside of that embrace.

I understand it all to well though, growing up here I have been to some 30 funerals, a large majority because of suicide, and I have attempted it myself, on more than one occasion, seeing it as the only way out, to escape the pain of the day.

My throat grew tight like my allergies were acting up as we stood there in what seemed to be forever while not long enough. I didn’t want to let my sweet girl go because I just wanted to console her, to tell her it was all going to be alright, but there is nothing right about 6 teens killing themselves in the last 3 months. Nothing at all.

I knew then that this time it was different. This time she really was hurt. The other kids were simply faces with a name to her, not someone she had loved, I never imagined that my daughters heart would first be broken by death instead of a boy in the halls of the school.

Questions I couldn’t answer came flowing from her in those 24 hours after Facebook broke the news. Why don’t the boys grieve the way she does? Why is everyone dying? What happens next?

So we spend the week sitting with each other, saying not a word, the snap chats from her friends pictures of walls without words, solemn and in their grief they are forever united as well. They are the kids who survived. The kids who were friends with the girl who died. Titles they don’t want to bear that will follow them through life.

So this mama turned to what she knew and prayed. Prayed that eternity will unite them in God’s light. Praying for peace, understanding, help. Asking friends to pray because I don’t know how. Knowing that where two or more gather in His name… He is present, uniting us all.

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  10 Responses to “When the News Unites You In Ways You Don’t Expect”

  1. The devastation that suicide leaves in its wake is so hard to reconcile isn’t it? The statistics of young people taking their lives in the North of our country if horrifying to me. There are so many aspects. I know you have had your own struggles as well. I pray that we will be able to provide what is needed to grieving hearts and also to offer hope. I am so sad that your heart and your family have been dealt such a tragic heart blow. Praying for you and your daughter and her friends. so hard to process this loss.

    • Thank you Janel!! I have known and loved many people who have committed suicide and it never hurt like this, the only reason I can think that it hurts so much more is because these are kids… not adults who have given it a try, but 14 year olds, 16 year olds, etc. Kids… and it breaks my heart knowing that they are suffering enough to feel like that…

  2. Marisa, I’m so sorry for your community and daughter. Grief unites us in strange ways. I read recently about the frequent suicides in remote areas of Canada (not sure if that is where you are) but praying with you for grace and light and God’s love

    • Thank you Christina, it likely is, the reserves have declared a state of emergency to try and get some help, but honestly, i don’t know how much that will do. There is so much pain involved for everyone that I struggle to believe that they can get enough therapy, enough counsellors into our area to make a significant impact. With the suicides being of Native kids for the most part, it seems like in a lot of ways the world is forgetting that they are children, 14-year-old children, rather than young people who have a future if we invest in them.

  3. Marisa, my heart breaks for her and her friends. There are times when I don’t understand it either. In college, I experienced the death of a friend to suicide. I will continue to pray for them all. And when she’s up for it, if age ever is, I would totally sit down and read “Tear Soup” with her. I’m in the #7 spot this week.

    • Thanks Tara, i looked and the book is available at our library so I may run in and pick it up and see if she wants to read it with me. She likes to come to my bedroom with me in the evenings and watch tv and chat and take pics etc just the two of us so maybe she will be up for reading 🙂

  4. That her first heartbreak came from death…oh, Marisa, I am so sorry!

    You’ve expressed this so well.

    #6 at FMF this week


  5. My heart goes out to you and your daughter. My prayer will go up to God tonight.
    I was unaware of the tragic events in your country.
    Hugs to you!

    Laura of Harvest Lane Cottage

  6. Marisa, I’m so sorry for the devastation you, your daughter, your community have experienced. My heart breaks for you all. God is the only one who can unite us in situations like this… where nothing makes sense. I’m thankful He does! I pray God continues to comfort, strengthen, and give His peace. Much love to you, friend.

  7. My sweet very best friend for years lost her son to suicide and I have never forgot the pain in her eye, voice, the very frame of her body screamed pain for the loss of her son. the fact he would take his own life was more then she could bear. I am thankful for the God she loves who put wings under her and still to this day they carry her as she talks about it. AT my age we know too many families who have been hurt buy the pain of someone who for what ever reason could not go on one more day here. Some of these we know are Christians such as was my friends son. My husband gave a message at the funeral, that life is in Christ, not in how we die, ,and that nothing can seperate us from the love of God, not even suicide. Thank God you were there for your daughter and knew exactly where to turn to for wisdom and comfort to give to her. This was a sad but sweet post in so many ways because of the love of Christ in your life.

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