Feb 052016

“And it only hurts when I’m breathing
My heart only breaks when it’s beating
My dreams only die when I’m dreaming
So, I hold my breath–to forget

Don’t think I’m lyin’ ’round cryin’ at night
There’s no need to worry, I’m really all right
I’ve never looked back–as a matter of fact”

Talking tonight about some of those more rough moments and the good ones has this song in my head by Shania Twain. It only hurts when I am breathing. I am trying to stay focused though, on the future, not the past, not the part that makes breathing hurt, no I want to focus on the part of life that allows my lungs to fill with life.

“I’m not surprised just how well I survived
I’m over the worst, and I feel so alive
I can’t complain–I’m free again”

It is absolutely amazing how those chains of bondage can literally fall away through the power of prayer, prayers that I speak for myself and prayers that others have said for me when I couldn’t see through that next breath. Where the trees were nothing more than a forest full of evil -a dark mess.

Yet now that I am able to inhale deep and focus on what I am really seeing I am able to relax, enjoy and simply function for the most part. Sure, I have bad days, more than I care to count, but I don’t focus on those days because those are the days that steal the joy away from me, they steal hope, they drain me of life and when I allow them to they even cause me to try and end the pain myself. So, keeping the focus on the good (God) has been the only way I have come to heal in anyway. Knowing I am His child today, tomorrow and always.

I am a survivor. I am blessed. My journey through abuse and nearly being killed will prayerfully bring God glory. In some ways it already has. I have a doctor who has seen my suicide attempts that didn’t even require hospitalization who switched his kids to the Christian schools and started to believe and learn about Christ because the only explanation for me being perfectly healthy and alive was a miracle.

If my gory can bring glory then my experiences were worth it. Every last one of them. Focus. Breathe. I don’t have to have this, because God does!

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  26 Responses to “Focus -It Only Hurts When I’m Breathing #FMFParty”

  1. <3

    visiting from FMF — Sarah Jo

  2. “If my gory can bring God glory, then it’s worth it.” Such beautiful, heavy words. But isn’t it in the dark and painful places that God’s light shines most brightly? Thank you for sharing bravely tonight, friend. Many blessings to you as you continue to fix your eyes on Jesus and step forward in faith.

    • Yes!! Well, TBH I am fairly certain His light is always pretty bright but its a heck of a lot easier to notice it when we feel surrounded by so much dark!! God is always good!! ALWAYS!! Thank you for popping over and encouraging me!

  3. AMEN!! If we live through our experiences, we should help people going through the same things.

    visting from fmf number 13 this week

    • Yes Miranda, even though we all have very unique and personal stories they are also relatable to hundreds if not thousands of people out there, it just takes one person to help someone else see that good can come and that it is worth pushing through!! I can only pray that I get to be that person for someone!! Thanks for hopping over!!

  4. Marisa, thanks for sharing with such courage here. May the Lord surround you with His presence and light and you keep walking forward, focused on Him and His glory. Blessings.

  5. Yes, if we can focus on what God is doing and let Him work it for our good… He does! Thanks for these words! (Stopping by from FMF #44)

  6. Thanks for sharing your struggles and heart! Stopping by from FMF! Keep on keeping on! Blessings to you! How we handle the manure in our lives really does count and makes a difference.

  7. Glad you survived and are now sharing your story. It’s a story so many need to read! xo #23

  8. wow sounds intense where you came from, the journey now is to focus on the new, the fresh and the healing. You can do it. Focus on your goal and you can make it. I am positive of that.

  9. I’m so sorry that you had to go through this pain…no one should have to endure that. I’m so grateful, though, that you’re willing to let God use your story to encourage others and to show how He can love us back to life. Blessings on your journey.

    grace and peace,
    Abbey (visiting from FMF)

    • No one should have to, but unfortunately way too many men, women and children suffer every day. It is definitely something I am excited to share as I know there are so many people affected by abuse in one way or another!! Thank you for your encouragement

  10. The title captured me… I had to come read what this post was about. Then I read “…the only explanation for me being perfectly healthy and alive was a miracle”… and it gave me CHILLS! This was so much more than I could have ever imagined!!! Thank you for sharing. God is indeed using your story to bring Him glory.

  11. Love it! Your gory does indeed bring God the glory, sweetie! Bless you.


  12. “If my gory can bring glory then my experiences were worth it.” Such a powerful testimony! May God continue to sustain you by His sufficient grace, and use your life for His glory. Thank you for writing with such honesty!

    • Thank you Kate!! It means a lot for you to have hopped over here and left a message!! You are too kind!! Praying you have a great weekend!!

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