Feb 182016

I watched her twindling away and looking at my young son and calling him her own. The Alzheimer’s had eaten away at her memory and instead of seeing my dad as her son she saw her great grandson as her “Little- Lenny”.

I thought watching her memories fade would be harder for me. But it wasn’t. Then, I felt cold and even dead for not finding it anything more than amusing. Seeing her forget became interesting, and even laughable. I don’t cope well. I never have, so when she called to argue about the date or would call my grandpa an old pervert who had stolen her husband’s wallet I couldn’t help but laugh.

When she came to me concerned that the mirror was broken because it sometimes showed her an old lady instead of her young self I listened intently and wondered how much of what we see is real and what is simply distorted by our memories and time.

There is a lot in my life that I would love to forget. I think part of me envied that. Envy is a big word but that’s how I felt. Why are the strong turned weak, those who want to remember everything robbed of their memories and those who long for death seemingly trapped within the confines of life?

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  10 Responses to “Forget… Alzheimer’s… Life isn’t Fair… #FMFParty”

  1. What a honest point of view of watching someone go through that horrible disease. My grandma is going through the same thing. I find the most amazing thing that even though she has forgotten a lot that she still holds onto the hope of Jesus. Thanks for sharing your heart. Visiting from #7 from FMF

  2. You’ve asked some tough questions–ones that only God can answer when we’re in heaven. We all cope differently with our emotions (my husband laughs instead of cries at sad parts in movies or when someone gets hurt). It’s ok. We’re all different and have discovered different ways to process our emotions.

  3. It’s so hard to watch those we love suffer with Alzheimer’s etc. This is such an honest poignant post. Thanks friend. I’m sure it will touch many. I’m over in the #12 spot this week.

  4. Oh, Marisa. Too ill to comment coherently…but wanted you to know I am here.

  5. It would be hard for me to watch someone I loved waste away with Alzheimer’s. Even though there are days we wish to forget, I think the pain of forgetting the good would be too painful. I am blessed that I have never had to experience what you are at this moment. Colline (visiting from FMF)

  6. Love the honesty of this post!! It is interesting to see someone suffer from Alzheimer’s.

    Your fmf friend parked at number 10 this week

  7. Alzheimer’s is such a cruel disease. Thank you for sharing what must have been a heartbreaking experience.

  8. Nice job on your blog. My mother in law suffers some more from lack of oxygen to her brain. She is gradually failing. When she gets something in her head, there is no winning the argument. I hope your journey is a safe one one that you will remember filled with God’s grace. Stopping by from Space #85. Blessings Diana

  9. Marisa,
    this was so deep. Thank you. I also think that your thoughts on what we see “real vs distorted”…is worth pondering for a while. I also cope by laughing. That’s part of my friendship with Andrew. His first post I read shocked me and I laughed and somehow, the jokes are okay with him. It’s okay to laugh at death. To laugh at that which we can’t control. Other times we can cry, but God created this response within us. I think He’s okay with it.
    (#3 this week)

  10. Love your sweet honesty in your posts, Marisa. You’re so very courageous. Hugs to you.

    ~#89 this week

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